Positive Outcomes of Worrying

We tend to think of worrying only in the negative. Can worrying accomplish anything positive? As a former “worrywart” I used to believe worry deserved a place in my arsenal of self-help weapons. During a recent small group meeting, we discussed this question. I said that one of the reasons I used to worry was because I wanted to be prepared for most any scenario.

In this context, worrying is connected to yet another nemesis, namely anxiety. Anxiety has been defined as a vague foreboding that something threatening is about to happen, but you are not sure what or when or from where. So what do you do? You worry.

I used to imagine this or that scenario and determine what to do, should that actually come about. What would begin as a worrisome “what if” could, after a time of reflection and rehearsal, be transformed into a calmed, if not confident, “I’m ready, should that occur.”

This has been termed “covert rehearsal.” And the proven reality is that we tend to do in performance as we have done in rehearsal. Psychological research strongly suggests that when you can confidently imagine what you would do in a given situation, that is pretty much what you would do, should that situation actually come about.

In sum, if worrying gets you to planning, imagining and preparing, it can be an effective motivator.

The second thing my small group decided about worrying is that it is a form of attempting to be and remain in control. Most all of us are “control-freaks” who want to predetermine the consequences of our actions and those of significant others. To worry means to not let go and let be. We worry about our children, our grandchildren, our work, our relationships, our health; we attempt to hold on to the controls of all that matters and that could affect us up or down.

Now if we think we are still in control through worrying, that can actually give us a perverse kind of peace, or at least the subdued satisfaction that we are doing what we can via worrying to ensure the outcome(s) we desire.

This is an illusion, of course. We cannot control outcomes or results. The proverbial chips are going to fall what they may. Personal case in point: my teaching, or writing for that matter. All I can do is be in charge of myself, responsible for myself, my words and actions. How people respond to me is their business. Try though I may, I cannot force someone who does not like my style or content of speaking and writing to do so. It is not fair to that person, or to me.

Worrying about how others are responding to us can negatively affect our words and way among them. We can become deceptive, if we are spending our time trying to “spin” what we feel and believe to maximize its potential positive impact on our listeners. The Biblical directive needs to be heard and applied here: “Speak the truth in love.”

Keep these two close together, loving and truth-speaking. Let the one call forth the other. Truth-speaking is essential for any relationship, as is loving for any personal relationship. Dishonesty is anathema to love, and love is in fact the ultimate truth, the truth which once in place is meant to remain in place, possibly beyond the grave.