The Problem with Gaining Patience

One problem with gaining patience is you want it right away. Like the prayer goes, “God grant me patience – right now!” It can be difficult to be patient while waiting to become patient. I have been impatient to gain patience. And once seeming to have it, patience is always being tried. You can’t get a month’s supply at a time. You have to possess it – or let it possess you – every time it is called for.

No wonder patience has been called the queen and guardian of all virtues. Without it, any other potential virtue will not be given the time and psychic space to develop. The word “patience” comes from the Latin, “pati,” meaning to suffer, to bear or endure. So right away we see the character of patience: it gives strength to develop all other virtues.

Impatience is about as dangerous to our health as patience is beneficial. A major study in 2002 found a correlation between having a sense of time urgency and impatience (TUI) and an increased probability of developing hypertension or high blood pressure. Hypertension constitutes a significant risk factor for heart disease, stroke and several other health problems. Hypertension has been termed the “silent killer.” According to government statistics, about 50 million Americans suffer from high blood pressure and a full third of them don’t know it.

And the late Dr. Meyer Friedman, the cardiologist who first defined Type A personalities, maintained that these patterns are generally silent. He wrote: “I cannot stress too much the fact that most [Type A behavior] subjects (even some who suffer most severely from it) are not aware of their hurry sickness.”

Researchers asked four central questions to determine whether subjects belonged in the category of “Time Urgency and Impatience” (TUI). Test yourself:

1. Do you get upset when you have to wait? 2. Do you eat quickly? 3. Do you often feel pressured by the end of the regular work day? 4. Do you often feel pressured for time in general?

It should be added that the two other main components of Type A personalities in addition to TUI, are hostility and competitiveness. A potent mixture for health risks, these three.

Working on developing patience has real importance to mental and physical health – to say nothing of relational health. You need to work on gaining patience with circumstances, with others and with yourself.

The question of course, is how to gain patience. You almost have to be patient about gaining patience, for it usually takes a long while to get there. And remaining patient over time is even more difficult. Start with Shakespeare: “Wisely and slow; they stumble who run fast.”

Slow down, take some deep breaths, gain even a little distance from what is going on and look for other ways to see your situation, ways that can assist your calming down and giving what is beyond your control time to complete its process. Imagine, daydream, meditate, pray, rehearse, remember that which gives you pleasure and relaxes your pace.

In truth, nobody can force you to be in a hurry or to slow down. You alone have the power to gain peace and patience. As I wrote:

“Patience is the acceptance of time; it is the willingness to live out a life. Patience is the present allowing the future to remain the future. It is today celebrating its own sufficiency.

Patience is dream given the permission to set its course. It is hope alive to the onset of its fulfillment. It is faith standing before the face of its Beloved.

Patience is love grateful to have found its way.”