True Maturity

True maturity is difficult to gain and just as difficult to maintain. We may think we have arrived only to have some unexpected and frustrating life turning show us how immature we can still be. We may be very mature about some things some of the time, and perhaps a few things most of the time, but not about everything all the time.

The slow maturing of mind and heart, soul and spirit is a hidden yet unstoppable process each of us is constantly undergoing. Question: are you the same persons you were six months ago? I have asked that to many persons over the years, and always gotten the same answer: “No, I am not.” And so it shall always be. We are continuously growing up and growing old.

Becoming fully mature has long held a fascination for me. I am more mature than I used to be, but not yet as mature as I want to be. And by maturity, I do not mean “elderly” or “old.” I mean attaining that seasoned way of being where serenity is not only something you pray for, but something you actually receive, actively live. I mean when you are able not only to talk a good game but to humbly play it, where your inner person is no different than your outer person, as in the “what you see is what you get.”

I recently wrote a “gold standard” of the essential elements of true maturity:

“To accept failure as willingly as success, and to be determined or deterred by neither...

“To give yourself to love without seeking to control or possess or direct love’s course...

“To relinquish the results of your labor to forces beyond you in the comforting conviction that being true to yourself and your values matter most...

“To find your reward in the task itself and not its consequences, loving for love’s own sake and not for the response of others... this is spiritual maturity.”

Such maturity concerns your gaining a satisfying, solidifying sense of life’s meaning and purpose. It integrates the entire sweep of how you see the world and your place within it. True maturity is the process of gaining wisdom; and wisdom is the knowledge gained through experience of how the world works, together with how to do things which are at once both effective and ethical.

The world around you is full of immature persons, inclusive of all ages. The immature sadly outnumber the wise. Most of us cannot willingly accept failure without feeling lessened; few of us readily relinquish the desire to control and direct our love relationships. Nor can we long resist the incessant drive to accrue only good results; we act as if the results are more important than the efforts, the product more valuable than the process.

True wisdom is the calming acceptance of your own limitations. You cannot do everything, know everything, be everything to everybody. As Carl Sandburg said, “Yes, you too, too, too, are people.” When you can embrace in heart as well as head that this is as it should be, that you are not defective or diminished by feeling alright about not being or having it all, you are drawing nearer to maturity. When you are able to do both your best and what you believe to be the best without fearing the reaction of others, you will have gained real freedom.