We Never Hear the End of Gossip

One thing we never hear the end of is gossip. It amazes me the things people say and readily believe about others. It seems easier to believe the worse than the best about another. We assume where there is smoke there must be fire; yet talking about smoke is not itself smoke.

Gossip tears apart the fabric of social life. It generates mistrust and deception, even in order to avoid gossip itself. As a friend once told me, “The metal of relationships looks good until it caves in from the hidden rust of gossip.”

“Gossip” is both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it refers to a person who repeatedly traffics in rumors about the personal affairs of others – who are not present to defend themselves. As a verb, gossip refers to the passing on of such rumors.

Gossip damages one’s name before others. And nothing has greater value than one’s good name. Its loss is priceless and sometimes irredeemable. Shakespeare said, “Who steals my purse steals trash.../ But he that filches from me my good name/ Robs me of that which not enriches him/ And makes me poor indeed.”

Not all idle talk is serious or damaging to others. It is human to enjoy talking about others; we relish passing on hearsay about the private and public lives of others. “Have you heard what so and so said and did?” Who among us will not automatically say, “Tell me, what?”

Why do we so enjoy gossip? Gossip makes us feel better about ourselves, even if it is at another’s expense. Gossip gives us a sense of power. It brings excitement and a temporary relief from boredom. Self-elevation, power, excitement, entertainment, and sometimes vengeance can drive our tongues in damaging directions.

Gossip is talk about another when the other is not present to respond. We all do this, even if we are careful and kind with our words. Even if we strive to relate only what we actually see or hear, it generates gossip from those who pass it on to others.

When you hear gossip about another, especially a friend, seek to defend him or her. Tell the gossiper to give the other the benefit of the doubt; point out that we are innocent until proven guilty. If you have the kind of relationship which will comfortably permit it, tell the other about the gossip, doing so in the same manner you would want another to tell you.

We cannot avoid talking about others when they are not present. And how difficult to stay clean from the dirt of slander and scandal. To stay clean, follow these three rules for talking about others:

First, say about others only what you would say to their face. If this rule were rigorously applied, we would evidence far greater care, accuracy and sensitivity with our words about others. And much that should not be said, would remain unsaid.

Second, do not pass on to others something you do not know for yourself. Hearsay should not be permitted in the court of community any more than in the court of law.

Third, do not say about others anything which condemns them. Remember that what we criticize in others, we are usually guilty of ourselves.

The best thing about gossip is that it passes. Gossipers find others to talk about. Then yesterday’s gossip will be of no more interest than yesterday’s news.