​When Everything is Said and Done

When everything is said and done, everything may not be said and done. Certainly not about people. There is always more to the story than we may know, more to the person than a sample of their behavior.

I certainly to not want to be judged on the basis of a mere sample of my behavior. If it happened to be a flattering moment, then don’t judge me – for I am not a good person, only a striving one. If it happened to be an unflattering moment, then once again, don’t judge me – for I can also be kind and caring.

The unfortunate truth is, most of us treat others prejudicially. That is, we judge a person on the basis of a limited sample of their behavior. If you don’t like the term “judge,” use something different, such as “decide” or “determine,” “distinguish” or even “discern.” The point is the same: we come to assume we know enough about someone to sketch out their likely character or demeanor on the basis of our exposure to them.

This means, we live in a kind of “as if” social world. We treat people as if we understood them, as if we pretty well grasp where they are, what they are like and what they are likely to do in this or that circumstance.

Yet how many people do you think really know you, who you are and what you are likely to do in various situations? At the same time, how many people who know you seem to believe that they “get” you better than you think they get you? I remember a trusted friend holding up his opened right hand and asking, “Do you think as many as five people really get you in your parish?” I laughed and said, “I hope at least that many.”

Most people assume that they get or grasp where a person is – and that they will stay there. Most of the time they are wrong, for people do change, and move forward with their lives. We need to give them the opportunity to do so by our belief in them, and possibly, our forgiveness.

I tell people that only God can put a period after a person’s life. We may try to, assessing that so-and-so is going to remain a so-and-so, period. But God will turn our period into a comma or semicolon or colon. Or maybe a series of “....”.

If I am going to make a mistake about someone, I want to err on the side of having granted them a new beginning. If they blow it, that is their problem. At least I was on their side, encouraging them. Even after a failure or disappointing attempt, my attitude is: “Get up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.”

I noticed a church while driving the other day. Right below its name was a bold statement: “A place for new beginnings.” I liked that. To that I would add, “A place for old endings and new beginnings.” By that I mean, a place for closure as well as openings.

Truth is, we are all on the way, heaven knows where. We are as proverbial ships passing each other at sea. Now, what percent of a ship is visible?