Trump Retains Perfect Legal Team for “No Collusion”

Trump’s problems locating legal representation for the Russian collusion investigation were solved this week when Noor Salmon, the widow of Pulse nightclub shooter Omar Mateen, was acquitted and her crack legal team became available for Trump’s defense. “This team is a real winner” Trump was heard boasting “because there was no collusion for me either”.

Omar Mateen had allegedly been working with a terrorist organization and Noor Salmon was found not guilty of helping her husband commit the crime and lying to the FBI. “Clearly this legal team has all the qualifications required to defend the president” said White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders “plus they are conveniently located in Florida, so he can meet with them every weekend when he is golfing ”.

As soon as Trump got off the phone congratulating Vladimir Putin on his election victory, he called to congratulate them on their court victory and retain them for his own defense.

(this is satire)