How to Discuss Racism with your Children in the Aftermath of Ferguson

By Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Protests regarding the grand jury’s decision to not indict Officer Darren Wilson for fatally shooting 18 year old Michael Brown continued for several days and even spread across the country. The ruling and protests (some peaceful and some violent) have left the nation with a very real sense of deep divide; for many, the grand jury’s decision was correct and just, and for many others, the decision to not indict was a racially charged and unjust one.

Multiple polls following the Ferguson grand jury decision revealed the significant and clear divide between blacks and whites in the US, with the majority of black respondents asserting that Officer Wilson was at fault for the shooting and that he should have been indicted. The majority of white respondents, in stark contrast, asserted the opinion that Officer Wilson’s shooting of Michael Brown was lawful, and thus he should not have been indicted.

The grand jury’s decision (and its impact) has reverberated throughout the country, and as a clinical psychologist, it has even entered my therapy practice. Interestingly, the most concerned clients have been parents who have wanted assistance with how to discuss the topic of Ferguson with their children. One parent, for example, mentioned that her 5 year old daughter asked why a car was on fire during a Ferguson protest aired on TV, while another parent expressed uncertaintly and confusion with how to discuss the images of looting and rioting with her 9 year old son who discovered the story on the Internet.

Racial biases, prejiduce, discrimination, bigotry, diversity and ethnicity are some of the most difficult topics for parents to successfully address with their children, but they are also some of the most important of topics to cover. While settting a good example is a fine start for parents, haivng an open and honest dialogue about these complex topics is imperative.

I offer the following 4 points for parents to consider in discussing racism with their children:

Know your racial biases and prejudices before having a discussion. Numerous social psychology studies have shown that racial biases are more common than we may wish to believe. Racial biases, subtle or overt, can occur for anyone, regardless of skin color, and they do not discriminate across socio-economics; one can be poor or rich and possess racial biases. Racial biases and prejiduce are a product of one’s upbringing and one’s experiences in life. So, before having a discussion about Ferguson or racism with your children, it is important to first examine your own shortcomings in these areas.

Minimize your children’s exposure to the media. Turn off the news! News agencies have been covering the Ferguson story extensively, and while it is a newsworthy topic, the graphic images and video footage have depicted aggression and violence that is inappropriate for children to see. Certainly, younger children do not possess the internal resources – cognitive or emotional -- to put the images or the story, and its complexity, in full context. Very young children, for example, will not understand why police officers (who they are taught to believe do only good for citizens) could be accused of breaking the law and of doing bad things.

Keep your statements age appropriate. Research has shown that toddlers notice racial differences and tend to even prefer individuals of their own race at a very young age. Thus, it is important to take an inclusive and positive approach as parents when topics regarding racial similarites and differences come up. It is not until 5 to 8 years of age, however, that children begin to categorize things or people as being all “good” or “bad” or “best” or “worse.” Children in this age range also begin to think about social issues and are impressionable. Thus, this is an extremely important period of development for parents to respecfully address racial topics as they arise; with discussing racial differences toward increased understanding and compassion as the goal. Pre-teens and teens possess greater intellectual capacity, including abstract reasoning skills. Thus, addressing racial biases and prejiduce in the context of history and real life social context (e.g., Ferguson) is appropriate. Of course, beyond chronological age, parents should also always consider their children’s emotional maturity and threshold for worry/anxiety when determining what they discuss regarding complex and charged topics, such as race.

Keep communication open. What happened in Ferguson can be a teachable moment for parents and children, however, discussions regarding race and race relations should be an ongoing process. Parents can take action in a number of ways to foster awareness and compassion in raising their children’s comfort level with diversity – exposure to holiday celebrations that are different from your own, purchasing toys or reading books that include other races or cultures, visiting museums of different cultures, taking part in cultural, ethnic or religious events that differ from your own, signing children up for integrated sports, social or academic programs or even simply trying out an ethnic restaurant as a family are just a few proactive ways.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services.