Summer Camp Safe for My Middle School Child?

by Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Dr. Mike,

What do you think about overnight or stay away camps for 11 year-old boys? Our son is sensitive and has struggled a lot this year socially, and my husband feels that a couple of weeks away from home and with other kids at camp will help him to be “less soft.” My husband went away to camp at a young age and remembers it as being a great experience. I agree with my husband that our son is sensitive and that he lacks social skills for his age, but I’m afraid that the separation from us will be too upsetting for him. I also don’t trust that my 11 year old boy will be safe after all the camp counselor abuse stories that I’ve heard about in my life. Unless you or my husband can convince me that sending our anxious and sensitive 11 year old away all at once is the right decision, I am against the idea. Middle school is going to be hard enough for him next year. Your thoughts on this are appreciated.

Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

According to the American Camp Association (ACA), parents who send their children to camp reported that upon return from camp their children: felt better about themselves, gained more self-confidence and self-esteem, showed an increase in independence and more leadership skills, showed an increase in their friendship skills and felt more socially comfortable and gained in their adventurousness and willingness to try new things. The ACA also cites: confidence and self-esteem building, safety and building social skills and making friends as being the most important reasons for why parents to send their children to camp.

In my opinion as a child psychologist, over night camp can be a wonderful experience for an overly sensitive middle school age child, but you are not alone in your concerns regarding overnight camps as a parent. In Virginia, while background checks are required for day camp counselors, surprisingly, Virginia does not require or mandate criminal background checks for camp counselors at over night camps. This is a concerning fact when considering that research conducted by the Center for Disease Control shows that approximately 1 and 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are reportedly sexually abused before the age of 18 years.

But rather than fearing the worst and deciding against camp reactively, I recommend that you and your husband do you homework on camps for your son and assess his readiness and then decide. The following are some things you will want to know when considering camp for your child:

• Is the camp accredited with the American Camp Association or another regulatory body?
• How does the camp screen and select its camp counselors and do they conduct criminal background checks?
• Can you speak to parents of children who have attended the camp as references?
• What is the ratio of camp counselors to children attending the camp?
• Have parents reported any complaints over the past two years, and if so, what was the nature of the complaints?
• How does the camp handle homesickness or social/emotional struggles for children attending the camp?
• What sort of safety or medical personnel or staff is available at the camp?
• Does the camp’s activities and schedule interest your son?

Understanding your child’s readiness for camp is also important, and I appreciate your careful approach. While sensitive children can benefit from an over night camp experience, if your son is overly sensitive or anxious or lacks important social skills, being away from home could be too much for him to handle.

After gathering information, and after discussing things with your son, if you and your husband feel that your son is not prepared for an over night camp, then perhaps gradual exposure to social moments and activities closer to home would be better for your son. There are a number of athletic, social and academic enrichment day camps your son could participate in within the area and without leaving home.

The ACA is a great place to start: http://www.acacamps.org.

Lastly, and to your point, with middle school right around the corner for your son, life is only going to get more challenging for him to manage socially and emotionally.

This summer will give your son the time he needs to work on his social skills so that he can enter the school year less anxious and more confident. Therapy, with a focus on social skills training, may be something you and your husband should consider for your son should your son continue to struggle emotionally and socially when he returns to school this fall.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. Send questions to moberschneider@hotmail.com.