Another Slight Diversion: The Brian Theory of the Perverse Imp

After I blogged about the perverse imp, Mary (my daughter) challenged me to explain what causes the “perverse imp” to sit on our shoulders and whisper so enticingly into our ears.

 “If you’re such a smart scientist (as you think you are) why can’t you cook up a reason?”

 Well---scientists shouldn’t “cook up” anything, but arrive at conclusions after careful thought, study and peer review.  However, since I couldn’t find a satisfactory explanation on the Net I’m going to “cook one” up right now.  I’ll call it the “Brian Theory of the Perverse Imp.”

When my brother and I were little kids in grade school my parents had friends who had an only child named Brain. My parents held him up as a shinning example of how a “little gentlemen” behaved.

 “Brian has perfect table manners”

“Brian always says please and thank you.”

“Brian, etc. etc. etc.”

My brother and I hated him.

 So it was with great delight that one day Mom reported that Brian’s mother had invited his school teacher home for dinner. Such a thought (for me anyway) was filled with almost unimaginable horror.

It turned out that she served roast, mashed potatoes and gravy (remember that this is the 1950s).  Immediately after being served, Brian, to the ever lasting mortification of his mother, proceeded to squish his fingers into the mashed potatoes and gravy then rub the mess all over his face.

 I didn’t let on to Mom, but I was secretly delighted at his downfall (being Catholic in the 1950s this did cause me some guilt).  I played the Brian incident over and over in my mind trying to figure out what demons drove him, and this is what I finally figured out.

Brian, having a prior sterling reputation, was now under unbearable pressure not to mess up when his teacher came.  I figured the pressure was too much for him.  He acted out to get the stress over with.  Punished and done---what a relief.

This also explains my wedding and funeral impulses.  I’m so careful to not cough, sneeze, fidget or otherwise ruin the solemn moment that I just want to “act out” and get the stress over with.

Well---that’s the “Brian Theory of the Perverse Imp” for better or worse.