Talk Like a Pirate Day–September 19

Ahoy ye’ scallywags!  Yo Ho Ho!

This ‘ere’s the day to speak like a pirate, don’t ya’ know?

Smartly there me lass!  Ho there me hearty!

Blow me down! a pirate’s song is a salty sea shanty!

Them there salty seadogs greet one another as Jim Lad

As if that’s the only name to be had.

A lady in pirate speak is a lass if he favors her

But a sharp-tongued wench is likened to a rusty old anchor.

Avast!  Avoid the pirate with a black spot--

Ne’er chance better than Davy Jones is the chance that he’s got.

Walk the plank, be shark bait, or be keelhauled;

All the pirate cares about is looting more gold.

Stop ye whining ye yellow bellied, lily-livered landlubber!

Pirate lingo is well-known for its colorful but ragged slur:

Inarticulate terms like plunder, swag, loot, or booty,

His girlfriend he would affectionately nickname a buxom beauty.

Many an addle-pated fool, the vessel’s mizzen he let down,

Defenseless to be boarded by this enemy of the crown.

Blow the hornpipe, prepare to be looted by liquored-up sword-bearing buccaneers;

This reprehensible bloody barbarity has gone on for years.

Shiver me timbers! Drink up me hearties! Arrr!

Grog and rum are the pirates favored cocktails.  Yarr!

“Let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole”

Is pirate talk for what’s for dinner? A casserole?

A fellow well known for his low-class abuse,

Bilge rat, scurvy dog; these insults are heard on a buccaneer’s cruise.

To mimic him ye must say them with a scowl and low guttural growl

From deep in your throat, as if choking on your mom’s old dishtowel.

Ye reckon these mush-mouthed scallywags

Have plundered and filled their bellies and their bags

With the motherload of booty?  They are never, ever shy

But well recognized as peg-legged and black-patched over their bad eye.

These foul-mouthed and foul-tempered legends of the sea

Say odd things, never muttered politely by you and by me.

“Me'n'th' crew seen a great grand sea beastie, th' mother of all whales, 

Aye, an' then th' kraken came! Avast the red dusk bodes well the day sails.

“The crew did drag them’s sorry keesters out t'th'ship 

'N' had us a great grand adventuaaarrr!” he would quip. 

Adorning forlornly atop his right shoulder sits a parrot,

Avoidance of the master’s left hook is the lifeblood for this pet of a pirate. 

Through a spyglass a pirate would search the horizon--

“Got meself a right fine ship” he would yell out to his smarmy boatmen.

Being shipshape was not the priority of this black-hearted sea captain.

So the lore goes, he was a slayer and thief of many strong bastion.