The Haunting

The Haunting

  Your words came to me today...I do not understand, I will never understand. They reminded me of other words set down for me, from you. I have them all, every text and e-mail, every card and Valentine. When I miss you I read them.

  I do not know what it is that you want from me, whatever it is I cannot give it. Your feelings are your own and I am no one to argue over them. They belong only to you. It pains me to think that I have somehow harmed you. The one I loved so. What is it that you are trying to get me to say? Or to do? You make accusations so easily proved false...why? Is it not enough? Will it ever be enough?
Must medical records be produced now as well?

  You break me.

  I read those words that started the ending of it all. I reexamine them looking for clues...
There is nothing. Only lies professing your love on what was to be a surprise birthday for me. You could not have startled me more. The truth is often an unwelcome gift, but it is much better than the continued lies. How long did you plan? The better part of a year it seems. 

  I poured all the love I could hold into you but it was not enough.
I cannot get past your words. Why? If you attacked me for something I had actually done there would be a solution. How am I to address a lie set out merely to do me harm, to color other's opinions? To isolate me further? Why?

  I do not understand, I will never understand.

  For any harm I have caused you, I am truly and deeply sorry.

However, I will not let your lies stand unchallenged. I love you. I will always love you, but not enough to sacrifice life for your pleasure.

 Let me be. That is all I have asked throughout this. Leave me be. Let us dedicate our lives to forgetting each other. 

I am haunted, by your words, your deeds by others who come to add to my pain.

I mourn. I think of you and I am deeply grieved. Nothing he could have ever done would have achieved what you did so effortlessly. Will it ever be enough? Is it finally enough for you?

you haunt me and I grieve 

I am bereft