FAMILY TIME: Roughhousing with Dad is Good for the Kids

THIS PAST weekend was, of course, a time to appreciate fathers, and it prompted me to reflect on their role.

My own dad and husband are both wonderful fathers. I’m pretty aware throughout the year how lucky my girls and I are to have such great dads -- men who work hard and play hard, who put family above all else.

They bravely tackle spiders in the corner and noises in the night, while the next moment giving giant, gentle hugs and kissing babies – and dolls – goodnight. They are both skilled handymen, accomplished grill masters and fabulous back-rubbers. They give support, smiles, winks, assistance, leadership and love. The room becomes more alive when they walk through the door.

Another thing I appreciate about them, but apparently I hadn’t appreciated it enough, is the unique way they play with the kids.

“Do something silly to us, Daddy,” my preschooler often requests. She means: Tackle us, wrestle us, throw us in the air, spin us around.

You may have heard the reports this weekend on ABC News. New research conducted by Australian Researchers indicates that this type of roughhousing is critically important to children’s development.

"Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children's brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether," ABC News quoted Richard Fletcher, lead researcher, as saying.

After watching videos of 30 dads roughhousing with their kids, researchers concluded that while the kids were laughing and having fun, they were also concentrating deeply in their attempt to “defeat” a stronger, adult opponent.

That kind of play, the researchers believe, builds confidence and concentration, as well as a sense of achievement. Dads who held back to let their kids defeat them built trust. On the other hand, dads who gave their kids a harder time also taught their kids that in life, you don’t always win -- another valuable lesson.

AS A MOM, it’s good to know that all that rough stuff is so beneficial. I’m a pretty active mom. I spend a lot of time on the floor and do roughhouse a bit. But not like my husband. I’m a little more prone to let the rough play dissolve into snuggles and kisses. My desire to nurture and protect seems to override my attempt to tackle the 3-year-old. But that’s OK. I am not my husband and that’s good. That’s why there are two of us. In this world of too much to do, it’s good to divide and conquer, to make our own contributions, to offer something different.

So, I’ll let me husband do the bulk of the wrestling, swinging and throwing. But I’m also inspired by this research. It’s a good reminder of the value of play. I think as a mom, I’m often so concerned with getting everything done and making sure my kids are enriched by their activities that I forget to stop and play. Not because it gives the kids confidence, or helps their concentration or improves their creativity or helps us bond.

Those are all byproducts, and it’s good to know. But the bottom line is that play – good, old, honest to goodness play – is just good for us. Play is good for adults, too. Research shows it reduces stress – something most of us need.

And researchers have known for a while that unstructured, imaginative play helps kids grow into more happy, well-adjusted adults.

So, I’m going to take a cue from dad on this one and carve out more time for quality play, for "silly things" – for my kids, for me, and for all of us as a family.