The Gas He Passed

Has anyone ever read the book "The Gas We Pass?" It's a children's book that teaches little ones about gas and why people have it. But before I tell you why I'm asking, I must inform you that Kenny has said I am no longer allowed to use his name in my blogs.

That's right he said he looked it up on the internet and it said it's illegal for me to tell his stories on the internet without his permission. So for the remainder of this article he will be referred to as the human bagpipe.

The human bagpipe got "not suspended" today for farting on a girl's head in class, but before they decided to "not suspend" him they had to do a complete unbiased investigation of the facts in evidence.

And they used all kinds of investigating tactics. They took his statement, her statement, her friend's statements and his friend's statement. They even did an inspection of her head to verify or rule out the presence of mucosal evidence. They left no stone unturned.

In the end it was discovered that the human bagpipe broke wind in the girl's hair while standing behind her. We think he then started laughing so uncontrollably that spit flew in her direction. I'm so relieved the school didn't waste valuable tax dollars investigating an unfounded accusation and were able to get to the bottom of this clearly very serious incident of flatulence.

So as a result of the investigation he was "not suspended" not because he had farted on her intentionally but because it was "nasty." He was sent home involuntarily for the entire day, but it was not a suspension?

Call it what you want...it was a suspension, and I'm thinking of buying his school "The Gas We Pass." I wonder if they'll think it's funny. It's a page turner if you ask me.