Terry Bader on Tips for Talking to Kids About Divorce

Relationships are not easy. Especially with the additions of so many novel platforms of communication in recent years, it can be challenging to for people to take time off from their relationships with others to recharge even when they are physically alone. With this new energy needed for fostering relationships, it can be observed that divorce rates have risen to some of their highest levels, leaving the fear of a generation of youth required to “grow up” earlier than they are prepared to become more pressing than ever. How does exposing a child to the complexities of a broken relationship so early in their life affect them? Will the separation hurt them? How do we talk about it? It can all seem quite daunting and impossible to address without disturbing any parties.

However, unlike past decades, there has been increasingly more optimism towards the afterlife of a child of divorce, and it seems like they’ll be alright after all, as long as both parties start their separation with productive transparency and selflessness.

Transparency

Recent studies show that the risk of children experiencing adverse effects from a divorce is often determined by how the marriage functioned before the separation. When a child is disillusioned by a marriage that seems perfectly normal and healthy only for their parents to split up months or years later, they often have a much more difficult time moving on from the separation and understanding how to develop relationships with their parents separately. In fact, it is healthier for both parents to be transparent from the beginning, instead of pretending everything is satisfactory for the sake of protecting the child.

Civility

In the process of filing for divorce, it is vital both parents present themselves as allies to their children. An abundance of divorces are a result of a narcissistic partner, but if both parties prioritize their relationships with their child, the possibility of adverse effects significantly decreases. If parents take the time to put aside their differences and focus on connecting with their children instead of criticizing their ex-partner, the child is more likely to develop unique and healthy relationships with both parents. This can foster civility between both partners, making it easier for all people involved to feel productive and successful through all the challenges.

It might take a while for children to rebuild trust in both parents, and that’s perfectly normal; the processing a divorce asks from all involved individuals is both tiresome and challenging. But, it is imperative everyone focuses on setting a safe and robust foundation for how to continue a parenting partnership with your child post-divorce. Children are resilient, and with the right framework, they can continue as such, even when developing separate relationships with their parents of divorce.

Terry Bader is an experienced and compassionate social worker in Tacoma, Washington. She has over 27 years of experience and is committed to providing unparalleled service to her clients. Read more of her divorce support or check out her Twitter!

Originally published at terrybader.com on May 17, 2018.