Between Mother's Day and Memorial Day in Redmond

Years ago my mother died peacefully on Mother’s Day. She didn’t plan for that date but she had worked long and hard on ways to reduce her worries, both material and spiritual, at the time of passing. “A 2012 survey[S1] found that 82% of people believe that it is important to put wishes for their final days in writing, yet only 23% have followed that task through to completion. Mom’s paperwork which she did before Alzheimer began eroding her mind, included her health care directives, will, funeral and burial arrangements. While at the mosque I mentioned this to my friend Mona, she told me the elderly women of her homeland, Pakistan, repeatedly pray that they stay on their feet as they grow old. We laughed as I shared how my father from Western Kansas wanted to die with his boots on. More often than not medical treatments present other outcomes. But whatever beliefs we hold about the human spirit, death comes to the body.

Islam embraces that certainty with straightforward teachings about funeral prayers and burial procedures. As members of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community my friend Mona is a “moosi” and so am I. A “moosi” promises to tithe a certain percentage of money, volunteer for duties in the faith community, and strive to improve their character as long as they live. The Ahmadiyya Muslim Community promises the moosi faith based resources for a funeral and burial. This program began in 1905 when Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, the founder of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community and the Promised Messiah published a booklet entitled “The Will". He wrote it three years before he passed away in response to The Beloved Companion (God) which he served in practicing Islam. “The Will” included a plan for the celestial graveyard (Bahisti Maqbara) now in Qadian, India. To this day the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community does advanced planning for the burial of its devoted members. The funeral prayers for the deceased moosi simply follow the practice of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, which has remained unchanged for over fourteen centuries.

The subtler part of end of life planning is dying peacefully. The Holy Quran advises people, "Let not death overtake you except when you are in a state of submission.” Then it goes right into details about being united in love with others. The Quran tells children a straightforward way to show love for their aging parents and states, “Thy Lord has commanded, `Worship none but Him, and show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, never say unto them any word expressive of disgust, nor reproach them, but (always) address them with excellent speech. And lower to them the wing of humility out of tenderness.' And say, `My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me (when I was) a little child' (17:24, 25)”

So adults caring for aging parents may or may not have the opportunity to talk about medicine and what matters in the end but being open to such conversation may be very rewarding. Website livingdeeplydyingwell.com claims, “End-of-Life Planning with Trudy will help you become aware of your choices and resources and help you take control of your end of life plans and legacy before there is a crisis.” Timeless wisdom about living deeply in modern times can also be found at alislam.org and their affiliated websites.

[S1]I have hyperlinked the website here.