I am a young black woman, and just like Charleena lyles I too am battling mental illness.

The death of Sharleena Lyles several weeks ago sent shockwaves through me , because despite living 16 miles from where she was killed, I too have struggled with mental illness for the better part of a decade. This is an incredibly personal story but I feel I need to share this to show just how easy it is to fall through the cracks.

I have been battling a long and painful struggle with depression and anxiety since the age of 14, which led me to some incredibly dark places and many, many bad decisions. I would have waves of sadness and anxiety that would wash over me, everthing could be going great then all of sudden the dark cloud would once again come creeping in. I didn't know how to deal, and at 15 I began drinking and smoking, it made some of the pain go away for a while when the darkness would come around. By the time I was 17, I had already been suspended several times and frequently skipped school , sometimes to drink or smoke with friends, or otherwise do things I shouldn't. I'd made a name for myself with the school and it wasn't a good one, another name on what they called the "fail list", another one of "those" kids . To the school I was just another brown troublemaker with issues. "Perhaps you should think about enrolling her in an alternative school, she might fit in better there" said the Vice Principal on the phone to my mom after being put on temporary expulsion.

Despite that I did go back, but by the time I had hit 18 in my senior year I had become a full blown alchaholic who would steal beer, wine or whatever alchahol I could get my hands on if I couldn't find someone to buy it for me. I didn't care about the decisons I was making , for the end of an abusive and emotional relationship with an ex had triggered a deep and intense constant state of depression that would last at least 6 months. Drinking was the only escape I knew. Somehow, I somehow got it together enough to graduate and by the time I met my now husband at 19, I had begun to pull my life together and had enrolled in community college and gotten a part time job. When I was 21 I had our son, and soon after I found myself once again overwhelmed by the same cloud of sadness.

My husband at first didn't know how to handle seeing me this way, and it put a huge strain on our relationship. Finally when my son was 5 months old I finally worked up the courage to talk to a Dr about it, and I was diagnoased with depressive disorder and anxiety. With the help of my Dr and the support of my husband I was able to keep my depression under control, and develop healthy coping habits. Still, it is not easy and there are times when I feel overwhelmed. I just don't process stress the way most people do, and although I have come to accept it there is a taboo around not just being "mentally ill" , but also "a mentally ill black woman". We must break this stigma, not just for Charleena Lyles, or even for me, but for all of the women struggling with these internal demons.