Channeling “Little House On The Prairie” in Shoreline

The most common phrase we hear around our house these days is “Will you play with me?”  During our time together at home alone (when “Pa” is at work), I find myself constantly trying to balance feeling like a “good” mom by playing with my daughter, and trying to keep up with the bazillion chores that need to be done. 

 

My husband is a playmate extraordinaire.  When the request is made for play, he almost never says “not now” or “hang on a second”.  Because he’s such a good playmate, our daughter’s requests of “will you play with me?” have started to seep into dinnertime and the post-meal clean up.  While we all know that children need play and lots of it for healthy development, the reality of life is that all play all of the time is not possible.

 

How to make everyone happy in this situation?  Because while all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes for a messy house and cranky parents.  Here enters the birth of chores in our house.  This tug of war between play and getting things done prompted us to finally commit to teaching about and incorporating chores in our daughter’s routine. 

 

To address the struggle surrounding dinnertime, we decided to involve our daughter in the set up and clean up of dinner.  She is three, so she thinks that the setting and clearing of the table is great fun, rather than a “chore”.  We are then able to get the kitchen cleaned up without the constant request of play or feel guilty about saying “no, not now” every 30 seconds (I’m not exaggerating).  

 

Soon will come the challenge of how to make this a consistent routine once the novelty of it wears off and it does feel like a chore (for all of us).  As I feel like I spend half of my waking hours bent over picking up toys, we’re also working on the concept of cleaning up after play.  A friend of mine with two 9-year-old girls instilled the expectation of clean up in them at a young age.  If the girls did not clean up the play area as they were expected to, the “hungry bag” came out and gobbled up any stray toys.  If all went well during the next week, the toys were returned.  I tried this with my daughter over the weekend it worked brilliantly.  All I had to do was introduce the concept of the “hungry bag” and she was right back on track. 

 

Other well known motivating tools to keep our kids on track with their chores are chore charts and allowances.  Both of which have been the topic of debate in parenting circles over the past few years. 

 

Some parents feel that chore charts are unnecessary as there are certain tasks that children should be doing without having to be reminded or tracked.  I can relate to this way of thinking but still think that chore charts prove to be useful when initially teaching our children about household and family responsibilities.  They are helpful to not only organize who is supposed to do what and when but also allow a tangible display of accomplishment.  There are some really cool chore charts on Etsy.  Many of them allow you to customize the chart to your family.  Even if you don’t intent to buy one, it’s a great place to browse for inspiration.  A search for “chore charts” on Etsy’s home page will bring up pages of options.  I also stumbled upon a web site called chorecharts.com, which has a nice selection of free, printable chore charts from which to choose.  This might be a nice option for variety and being able to customize as the tasks rotate and change.

 

An allowance is another classic form of motivating and rewarding children in the chore department.  There are some who strongly disagree with paying your child to complete household tasks and contribute to the family.  Their thinking is that children should be learning to do these things without a monetary motive.  The fear is that if they learn to do chores solely based upon getting paid, they will only do them for money and not learn the value of contributing to the family unit out of love and consideration.  What’s more, some believe an allowance is should be more of a tool to teach about financial responsibility and monetary choices rather than chores.

 

My husband and I both grew up in families where we had chores and were expected to chip into the household.  In fact, in addition to the daily and weekly chores the children had in our house, my father had additional lists for us to do during our summer break.  We’d wake up and sure enough, before leaving for work he had found time to leave us each an individualized list of chores to do.  While my siblings and I still laugh about the dread and annoyance we each felt upon seeing the white paper of extra chores awaiting us on the kitchen table, we all appreciate the values instilled in us by having these expectations.  In addition, we received an allowance and were not ruined by it. 

 

My husband grew up in a family of five children in rural, communist Poland.  He and every member of his family were expected to contribute to the household.  There were absolutely no chore charts or allowances for learning and participating in daily family life.  Whenever we go visit his family in Poland I am always blown away by how harmoniously everyone chips in and works together.  There is a profound sense of ownership and pride in their house, their things and the work that they do. 

 

Our family is just at the beginning of this journey into teaching about responsibility and family contribution.  I’m excited to be instilling what I hope will be positive lifelong lessons in our child.  It’s also a great refresher about what we, as parents, model and value.  From incorporating chores into play, to instilling solid lifetime values, parenting once again proves itself to be an all encompassing, perseverant and spectacular job.  

 

How does your family handle chores?  What are your thoughts on allowances?