Cultivating the Generations

My daughter and I just returned from an 11-day trip to the Midwest.  Because we went back to be with my mom before, during and after her open-heart surgery, this trip was particularly emotional and intense.  I have always been a very family oriented person and can easily say that family is the most important element in my life.  The nature of this trip made every second of time spent with my mom and family that much more cherished and sacred. 

Although we weren’t visiting for “pleasure” our time together was more special and bonding than ever.  My daughter was a welcome distraction to my mom and the rest of us from the scariness and seriousness of the situation.  We played grocery store in my mom’s hospital room, made her a few pretend cakes and enjoyed focused time together without the tug of the everyday pace of life and the obligations that go with it.

After my mom got home from the hospital we had even more time to spend with her.  My daughter had many questions as to why grandma needed help up the stairs, bathing and needed to rest so much.  By the last night she insisted on sleeping with pillows under her legs and holding one to her chest just as she had seen my mom do. 

We also had the opportunity to see my 96-year-old grandfather.  Since she was a baby my daughter and grandpa Harold have had a special bond.  This trip was no different.  My usually slow-to-warm-up daughter ran straight to her great-grandpa Harold and began her stream of “why” questions that are continually sprouting in her head.  Harold was thrilled to be her teacher and answered each and every question with patience and intention.  He also had the honor of brushing her hair after her bath (at her insistence), and being led into the living room to see some of her toys. 

This intergenerational interaction is so precious, fleeting and more and more rare in present day America.  I remember loving being with my grandparents as a child.  They made me feel special and secure in a way like no one else.  Grandparents are at a place in their lives where they are able to not only make more focused time with their grandchildren but love and crave it as well.  The wealth of wisdom and perspective that they have on life is an invaluable resource to our children and the rest of us. 

We are also lucky to have a retired couple living next door who absolutely love our occasional visits to say hello.  They have cats, a piano, picture books and a guest loft all of which they happily share with my daughter.  While it saddens me that we do not live near grandparents, I am grateful that my daughter has this regular interaction and exposure to an older generation. 

There is a wonderful preschool in West Seattle, Providence Mount St. Vincent Intergenerational Learning Center, that recognizes the importance and benefits of intergenerational interaction and makes it a primary component of their curriculum.  There are intergenerational classrooms and outdoor spaces where the young mingle with the senior.  In their words, “Our society has changed so much over the past few years. The family structure is not what it was a generation ago. Society also has become much more mobile. It is not uncommon for children to live thousands of miles from their grandparents with only occasional visits.” 

Some of the benefits to children at the center are, “Opportunities to learn about the normal aging process; Ability to accept people with disabilities; Chance to become part of an extended family; Help in reducing fear of older adults; and unconditional and unbounded love and attention.”  In addition, “children bring spirit, joy, and laughter to many lonely residents who raised their families long ago.” 

I saw first hand the joy that my daughter brought to my mom and our family during a tense and emotional few weeks.  I was worried that her energy might be too much for my mom while she was healing.  In the end, she was a special part of my mom’s ability to get through the surgery and heal.  Great-grandpa Harold was also overjoyed to spend time with someone 93 years younger than him and soak in her curious and fresh spirit.  In addition, my daughter benefitted by seeing her family come together for grandma during a hard time and be able to bond in a way that might not have otherwise happened under “normal” circumstances.  The gifts that people from different generations can offer each other are an essential and natural part of the human family that we must never forget to cherish and cultivate.