My Girl Wants To Party All The Time?

We just celebrated my daughter’s third birthday.  Every year, in the months leading up to her birthday, I say that we are going to keep it low stress, small and mellow.  Then about a month before her birthday I start thinking about all of the fun things we should be doing as good parents to make her birthday memorable.  We actually seriously considered renting a pony for her second birthday!  Thank goodness we came to our senses on that one.  It might have been just a tad over the top for a two-year-old. 

This year, because of some family health issues going on in July, we considered not throwing her a birthday party at all.  But then parental guilt kicked in and we remembered that we had already asked her if she wanted a party, who she wanted to invite and the next thing I knew I was at Costco and Party, Display & Costume buying all of the supplies for a pool party in our backyard. 

Every year my husband and I struggle with how much or how little to do for our daughter’s birthday.  Neither of us grew up with elaborate birthday parties and to be honest, I don’t remember very many of my birthday gatherings.  I couldn’t tell you what gifts I received or who was there.  More than anything I think that the attention and love are what were most memorable (and of course the cake). 

I’ve spoken with a lot of parents who struggle with the same decisions.  Almost everyone I have spoken with agrees that a huge, over-the-top, theme filled party is more for the adults than the kids, particularly when your children are young.  Some also admit that that they have succumbed to the pressure of throwing a big, expensive party because that tends to be the trend in their child’s circle of friends.  

In my circle of mommy friends there are some who are throwing a party for their kids for the first time this year because they are old enough to “get it” and have been to several parties of their friends or classmates.  Other friends who threw big parties the first couple of years are now simplifying and limiting the invitees to family and a couple of dear friends. 

I know one mom and dad who really wanted to take their little guy camping for his third birthday but then realized that camping was not on his birthday radar.  When asked, he requested bike riding, a balloon and cake.  Perfect.  Three-year-olds are not thinking about the perfectly crafted party with the picture perfect decorations, Martha Stewart quality cake and the politics of the guest list.  In full disclosure, my daughter’s parties so far have been composed of more of my friends than hers.  Her guest list this year consisted of her two boy cousins and my friend’s Chihuahua named Ceviche.

If you spend any time looking at design and entertainment blogs, it’s easy to get sucked into the “I must throw the perfect party for my child and be the Martha Stewart of mommies” mentality.  I have a friend who is the PNW’s hip version of Martha Stewart.  She throws amazing parties.  You should have seen her child’s first birthday.  She made handcrafted crowns and pinwheels for all of the kids.  The food was amazing and the cupcakes to die for.  In her words, “crafting feeds my soul”.  She does these things because she truly loves doing it not because she feels the need to “keep up.” If throwing a party brings mom and dad joy, chances are that joy will carry over to the child and the rest of the party.  The same is true of stress, if mom and dad are feeling it, so is the rest of the party. 

Another mom I know keeps her children’s parties simple and intimate but goes crazy on the birthday cake.  She is an amazing baker and loves making a memorable cake for each daughter’s birthday.  What a fun tradition for all involved.  This family also limits gifts to family members only and uses familywishlist.com.  What a great way to avoid a bunch of senseless presents. 

What I hear from most parents, party thrower extraordinaire or not, is that what matters most on our child’s birthday is making them feel special and loved.  A child’s birthday is another opportunity to create family traditions and celebrate with the people who share in the joy of who they are.  I think that if we can adapt the saying about out of control weddings, “it’s about the marriage not the wedding,” to our children’s birthday parties, “it’s about the child not the decorations,” we could save ourselves a lot of stress, money and time and spend that energy with our children making them feel special, valued and loved.