Our Children on the Internet

This year, 2011, is proving to be the year of the baby, at least in my circle of friends.  Five babies born this spring, three due in July, one in August and one in October. 

More than half of these friends are having babies for the first time.  In our conversations about becoming parents and the many decisions that come with that role, the topic of posting photos of our children online always comes up. 

 It’s a topic upon which I have gone back and forth several times.  I remember when my daughter was first born, I was in uber mama bear mode and did not want any photos of my baby posted on-line without my explicit permission.  My poor sister had proudly posted a sweet picture of my nephews holding their baby girl cousin for the first time on her Facebook page and I had a less than rational and pleasant response. 

At that time I had not yet entered the world of Facebook and there were fewer privacy options available on the site.  Within the year, I was on Facebook and posting an obnoxious amount of photos of my new pride and joy.  While I no longer freak out if someone posts a picture of my child online, I still think that it’s polite to first ask for permission.  I always do when posting pictures of children who are not my own on my blog or Facebook. 

 I have since removed a lot of the photos I originally posted of our daughter on Facebook.  I now prefer to post pictures that don’t necessarily show her face.  I’ve also made our family blog an invite-only site.  While I don’t think that someone is necessarily out searching for information about my daughter in a harmful way, I feel better knowing that I have more control over who sees that information.  My husband is also a very private person and I need to factor in his feelings about the privacy and protection of our daughter. 

 Whether or not to plunge into the online world of sharing images of our children is a tricky decision.  I have friends all over the board on this one.  One friend who is about to give birth, has been strictly forbidden by her husband to post even one snapshot of their baby on Facebook.  Another friend, also about to give birth, isn’t comfortable with the idea of having photos of her baby online but also feels that it’s inevitable and that she can’t possibly control the actions of others. 

 I’ve spoken with several people who feel very comfortable with posting photos on Facebook as they feel they have control over who sees them.  I know others who will have nothing to do with social networking but have password protected sites to share family images.  Still there are many others who have completely open blogs about their children, not to mention the hundreds of mommy bloggers who actually make money by sharing stories and photos of their children online.  I must admit that I love being able to peek in on my friends and strangers via their online diaries.

 In this digital day and age, when families and friends are scattered across the globe, being able to share memories and images at electronic speed is a wonderful convenience.  We have family in three different countries who we don’t see nearly enough.  The sharing of digital photos and video is an easy, fast and economical way to stay more connected. 

 While I enjoy the ability to share our lives online, I think about the drawbacks and risks of doing so often.  Do we really have as much “control” over our online privacy as we think?  I’m betting we do not.  Once those images are out there we can’t ever get them back with 100 percent certainty.  Will our children one day protest about being “shared” in this way without having had any say about it?  Are we compromising our children’s safety by putting those photos out in the digital universe?  Will these decisions come back to haunt us and/or our children years down the road?  

 Two of my friends are in professions where the open sharing of information and photos about their children is not an option.  One is a mental health counselor and the other’s husband is a police officer. 

 If you do go with a no Internet photo policy about your children, how do you make that policy known to friends and family in a clear and non-emotional way?  What’s more, how can you ensure that your friends and family respect this decision? 

 Clearly this is a topic that every present day parent must confront.  Whether or not to share photos online of our children is just the beginning of many careful and important decisions we will have to make regarding our children’s safety and interaction with the online world.  While I still feel a bit uncomfortable about sharing photos of my daughter online, I also love sharing them with friends and family.  For now, I will continue to embrace this digital age while remaining vigilant about the ever changing privacy settings in the land of cyberspace.