Tiger Mother Prompts Discussion, And That's Good

Editor's Note: Writer and dad Brian Soergel will be penning a column from a father's perspective every other week for Shoreline Patch. If you've got ideas for parenting topics this dad should tackle, send them our way!

I don’t read the Wall Street Journal every day, but for some reason I picked up the Jan. 8 weekend edition. Stories on the economy. The Weekend Interview, then another thoughtful piece from Peggy Noonan.

I quickly skipped the Business & Finance section. 

The Review section was next, and it screamed a page-wide headline impossible to ignore. “WHY CHINESE MOTHERS ARE SUPERIOR.” All uppercase, as if emphasis were needed. Until that time, the subject of the story, Amy Chua, was a little-known Yale law professor married to a another Yale law professor, Jeb Rubenstein. Rubenstein is fairly well-known for his books, but on Jan. 8 his wife became the family's headline grabber.

You probably know the story by now. Chua’s story in the Journal, excerpted from her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, smacked more than a few people in the gut—me included—with its brutally honest examples of Chua’s strict regimen in raising her two daughters, Lulu and Sophia. No sleepovers. No school plays. No TV. No grade less than A. And her kids are directed to be the No. 1 students in every class except gym and, natch, drama.

In subsequent interviews, the 48-year-old has distanced herself somewhat from the book’s strident tones. She says some of her thoughts play off stereotypes of dictatorial Asian parents. A few are exaggerated for effect. She even dismissed the Journal’s headline as misleading. But, man, did she strike a nerve among traditional Western parents. The article generated more comments on the Journal’s web site than any story in its long history.

As I read Chua’s excerpt, I began to question everything I’d ever done as a dad. Am I too lenient on my own teenage kids? Maybe, although they'd probably disagree. Do I push them hard enough? Probably not. The article dug up suppressed concerns about parental responsibilities, as I’m sure it did with many others. Chua makes a lot of sense in a lot of ways and, hey, just look at her super-accomplished kids.

But, of course, there’s a counterpoint to every controversial proffering. Chua-backlash immediately sprang up in other media outlets and quickly circled water coolers and dinner tables. The following week’s lead story in Review spotlighted the inevitable riposte with the snarky headline, “In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom.”

In the article, author Ayelet Waldman championed the virtues of allowing kids to find their own way, to quit sometimes (how many elementary kids continue violin into middle and high school?) and to let them—yes! I did something right!—attend the occasional sleepover. 

Of course, there are obvious social and educational benefits to be gleaned from both Tiger and Western mothers. I’m encouraged that Chua’s book  has beefed up discourse on our kids’ education.

It’s all good, even the “monster” comments directed at Chua, who in fairness admitted to Time magazine that she has loosened her daughters’ educational and recreational restrictions as they’ve gotten older.

 Any passionate discussion centered on kids and education is cool by this Western dad. Thanks, Tiger Mom. Game on.