Becoming an adult: The scariest thing you'll ever do

So I recently realized that in just three months, I’m going to be 18 years old and graduating high school.

I’m basically freaking out over this.

As cliché as it sounds, it seems like just yesterday I had just moved to Woodinville from the East Coast. The prospect that I’m on the cusp of adulthood and going to college is so exciting but completely terrifying at the same time.

It’s exciting because I so can’t wait to be an adult and getting away from all the strife and angst and drama that is high school. High school really sucks, truly. Whoever said that high school is the best years of your life needs a good whack over the head with a baseball bat. I’m so glad to be almost done with it all.

I’m also super excited to go to college and get a fresh start. I mean, everyone here knows everyone and all their stories. There are no fresh starts right now. But college is the biggest fresh start you’ll ever get. I’m so excited to meet new people and live in a new place.

But all this is so terrifying because I’m not sure if I’m ready. I mean I’m still just a kid. I have grown up so much this past year alone, not to mention the past 17 years of my life. But I know that you don’t become completely grown up the second you turn 18. I’m scared, so scared because I’ve made so many mistakes and I don’t feel like I can handle the demands of the world where you’re on your own and not living with your parents for most of the year. The world is so big and you can make so many mistakes, I’m so worried it’ll be too much for me.

Looking graduating in the face makes me feel like a little kid again, like I’m so small and helpless. I’m still a kid; I can’t be an adult yet. You know, the funny thing about mankind is when we’re kids, all we want to do is grow up as fast as we can and be adults so we can do so many amazing things. But when you finally grow up and are staring adulthood in the face, it’s not anything like we thought it would be.

Me, I just want to crawl under the covers of my bed with my teddy bear and pretend I’m still the cute, fun-loving, naïve, little five-year-old I was back in Connecticut. I want to forget everything I’ve seen and had to learn.Forget the death and the insecurity and the people who only mean you harm and the terrible, painful heartbreak.

Now, if you asked me if I regret growing up, you know what I’d say? Heck no. Not in a million years. Yes, those experiences have hurt me and made me feel stupid and childish, but without those experiences, I would be stupid and childish. Those experiences have made me who I am today and that is a much stronger person.

Sure, I could have done without all the pain, but I’m so much stronger because of it simply because I survived it. It’s like the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill me… had better run like hell.” Haha, just kidding but you guys all know the real saying. So what I’m trying to say is even though becoming an adult terrifies me like Paranormal Activity, I think I might be able to do it, because I won’t have to do it all by myself. I’ll have the help of my friends and family, which includes pretty much the strongest person I know, my mom. She had, shall we say, not the most traditional upbringing, but she came out perfectly fine and raised my brothers and myself with amazing strength and awesomeness. After everything she’s been through, I’m extremely proud to call her my mom. I really don’t say it enough, but I love her and she is the most amazing person ever. :)