No, I'm not a Saint: Thoughts On What It Takes To Be A Successful Homeschool Parent

In her , my daughter Davis described some common reactions she’s had to telling people she is homeschooled. I’ve also gotten a variety of responses, such as, “You must be so patient!” “I can’t imagine spending all day with my children,” “Wow, you must be a saint,” and “Are you nuts?”

Well, I might be a little crazy, but my kids will tell you – I’m no saint! I get frustrated, stressed out and overwhelmed. I’ve been known to lose my temper and snap at my kids. In essence, I’m a normal human being. Despite my failings, I am a lot more patient than I was 14 years ago – before I had kids and spent all this time homeschooling them. In the intervening years I’ve had a lot of opportunities to practice patience.

So, what does it take to be a successful homeschool parent? I think it boils down to two major criteria: you have to be motivated and you have to have confidence in your ability to meet your children’s needs.

To be motivated: You have to want to do it. If you don’t want it, I think there is a risk of becoming resentful. If you want to homeschool, and you are willing to learn, talk to others, try different things and listen to your children, you can be successful.  

To have confidence in your ability to meet your children’s needs: This definitely does not mean you, personally, have to meet all your children’s needs. You can’t be a basketball team, can you? But, you probably know were to find a team or you could ask around. That’s what I mean. You don’t have to be a math whizz or a science genius – but you know you can find an in-person or online class, or curricula that walks your child through the subject. And no, you aren’t expected to know everything that’s available – that’s why there are homeschool support groups (for a list of support groups in our area check out Washington Homeschool Organization). You ask those who have been there before you.

You don’t have to be a certified teacher to homeschool. In fact, although I know former teachers who are very successfully homeschooling their children, I also know some that struggle. I think the struggle comes from their inability to let go of preconceived ideas about what education is supposed to look like. And according to a 2007 Frasier Institute report, Home Schooling: From the Extreme to the Mainstream, “having at least one parent who is a certified teacher appears to have no significant effect on the achievement levels of home schooled students.”

Another comment I’ve heard from parents whose kids are in school, is that it’s hard enough to just get kids to do their homework – they couldn’t imagine having to persuade their kids to do all their school work. Because my kids have never been to school, they don’t think of learning as something that happens only during certain hours of the day and they don’t think of learning as something to hurry up and get done so they can get to the fun stuff in their day. So convincing them to do their school work is not something I need to do too often.

That said, it’s true that sometimes persuasion is necessary, but it’s never a constant battle, more like an occasional day here and there. And frankly, when that happens, I try to take stock of the situation: is my child healthy? Is it the first sunny day in a month? Is the material boring? Has my child hit a plateau or a new developmental phase? Is my child in the middle of a very exciting game with a sibling? A wide variety of reasons can cause a lack of cooperation, and I don’t take it personally. In our situation, I’ve found if I give my kids some control over their school work, they are more cooperative. That includes control over the timing as well as the material.

Kids learn; that’s what they do. I don’t give myself credit for being this amazing motivating teacher – frankly that’s too much pressure! I simply try to expose them to a wide variety of things, learn alongside them and enjoy the ride.