The Biggest Countdown of my Life

So first, I’d like to apologize for not posting a blog entry in a while. You know that expectation that when school winds down, the work load gets easier? Yeah, well I found out it gets harder, or at least the teachers just like to pile every big project on us at the very last moment. Good planning, guys. I’m not sure if it’s like this every year and I just am having a memory lapse, or if it’s just senior year, but almost every teacher is doing something big this last full week.

Speaking of which, I am having my mind blown more and more every hour. I have 7 days until I’m 18-years-old and a legal adult and 10 days until I graduate from high school. When did that happen? I mean I’m so glad to be almost done with high school. Like, adios high school drama and all that. And I can’t wait to be an adult. I mean, I’ll be able to vote, buy lottery tickets, and do things without needing my parents’ permission or signature. How awesome is that? But I look at my life and I kind of just want to hit pause.

I mean, what happened to the days of playing with my dolls and having tea parties and dressing up? What happened to my biggest worry being that not all of my Barbie dolls had clothes? I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret. I’m terrified of the idea that next Sunday, I will be an adult. I’m sitting here writing this with tears pouring down my face and I’m trying not to hyperventilate. The realization of growing up has just hit me like 10 tons of bricks. I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to be an adult and be responsible.

I want to be able to make as many mistakes as possible and not have to deal with the consequences. I want to spend all day pretending to belong to another world. I want to be a little kid again and not have to worry about tomorrow or what I want to do for the rest of my freaking life or when the next test in physics is. But then again, don’t we all want that?

There is a time in our lives, multiple times, I think, when we look at ourselves and say, “How did I get so old so fast?” Most people would say that’s a midlife crisis, but I’m having that moment right now. As kids, we try so hard to grow up as fast as we can because, what’s so awesome about being a kid? We can’t do anything. But then we finally grow up and say, “Why did I want this so bad?” Being grown up sucks. I’ve gotten a taste and I don’t want it.

This is one gift I really want to know where I can go to return. As a senior in high school, they tell you that you have to find a college to go to so you can get the education you need for the job you will have for the rest of your life. I’m told by junior year at college you have to have your major chosen. How are you supposed to know what you want to do with your life by 20?

I’m lucky enough to have an idea of what I want but most people don’t. But then again, that’s what college is for. Maybe I’ll find I don’t want to be a veterinarian. Or maybe I’ll find it’s my passion. College is for finding yourself. It’s to get away from the influence of your environment and your parents and to help you try as many things as possible to see who you are and who you aren’t. That’s why I’m excited for college; I want to find out who I am. I want to know what I believe in and what I like to do and who I fit in with. If that means I have to grow up and be an adult, then I guess, well, I’m not exactly going to get over it right now, but I’ll get used to the idea, at least.