The Graduation Countdown Begins

So I’m going to be honest here, I don’t really have anything to blog about. I haven’t for a while but I felt I needed to put out a blog post so here I am. Right now, things are getting pretty exciting for us seniors. Prom is less than a month away. This week is spring break. Graduation preparations are underway. Graduation itself is less than two months away.

It’s kinda crazy, being so close to the end of my high school education. To be starting a new chapter in my life soon. I’m less than two months away from being 18 years old, from being an adult, from leaving high school and all the drama that came with it. Let me tell you, as much as I’ll miss my friends and most of my teachers, I will not miss high school itself. This past school year has been the worst and the best year of my life at the same time. I know it’s weird but it’s true.

I know what you’re expecting here. The whole “Looking back, I would have done everything exactly the same and regret nothing” spiel. Well, looking back, there are some things I wish had gone differently. I wish I hadn’t had to hurt someone because I didn’t think our friendship was a good one. I wish I hadn’t gotten scammed into giving a stranger… let’s just say a lot of money. I wish I hadn’t let my grades drop this year. I wish I’d had a boyfriend. I really wish I hadn’t been hurt by someone I’d really liked just because he didn’t have the courage to tell me to my face he didn’t want to be with me. Yeah, yeah, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What. Ever. I don’t feel very strong right now.

All my struggles are supposed to make me a better person but I don’t feel better, or stronger. I feel broken, sad, and alone. Like the world only wants to beat me down so I can never get back up again. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Oh, I know where I’m going, don’t get me wrong. I’m going to college to become a veterinarian. But I don’t know what I’m doing here. Like I’m so lost, like everything I do is wrong and I can’t make anything right again. Like my whole life has fallen apart and I’m trying to patch it back together with Elmer’s glue and wrapping tape. Maybe that’s just high school. Maybe it’s me. I don’t know. All I know is I’m not the person with the worst troubles out there. I’m actually quite privileged. But I still wish things could have been better.

People keep telling me it gets better in college. I’ve seen the proof myself in my older brother. He’s so much happier now that he’s in college, the happiest I think I’ve ever seen him. So I’m holding out for these exciting last two months and hoping and praying everything will get better. Lucky for me the last two months of high school are the most exciting. :D