Parents, You've Been Nominated

Now that the Parent Celebration Season (Mother/Father's Day) is over, it's time to do a little parental reflection and assessment. 

One thing's for certain, being a parent today is way different than it was when I was a kid. Honestly, not better or worse, just different.

For example, I grew up in a blue-collar neighborhood on the northwest side of Milwaukee. Small families were the ones with three children, but it was common to have four or five children in each household. We never had a key to the front door, because it was NEVER locked. I'm sure there are places where this still happens, but it's becoming a rarity in this day and time. 

My mom would send us outside all day to play, only to come home for dinner or when the streetlights came on. My friend Dave recalled how his mother would tell him at around 7 a.m., while he was mid-bite in his breakfast cereal, "Now you know you're not going to sit around inside all day, don't you? You need to go outside and play!"

I'm sure he wanted to say, "Mom, can we at-least wait until the sun comes out before you put us out for the day? The raccoons are beginning to revolt because by getting up so early, we're affecting their garbage can raiding rituals."

But who would even think about saying something like that because talking back to a blue-collar parent meant being met with a "corrective love-tap."

If you didn't make it in immediately when the streetlights came on, whatever you were doing had better be worth the certain consequences upon arrival. 

Big kids and little kids played sports, Kick-The-Can, Ding-Dong-Ditch or any other game we could imagine with the other neighborhood kids.

Again, that was then, and this is now.

Now as a suburban parent, children have "play dates." Really? And for those of you who are unaware, a play date is a prearranged, organized play time with a friend, generally setup by the Operational Implementation Specialists (parents), for a specific time, on a specific date, with a specific agenda.

The key to play-date effectiveness is obviously the specificity.

Although I think the process is a little much, times have changed to a point where parents don't feel as comfortable just telling their kids to go outside and play all day.  

Even the sports are different.

I now have to pay for my children to play organized sports instead of pick-up games in the neighborhood. Due to the organized nature of rec leagues, their can be way too much parental involvement. As much as I love coaching, I too can fall into this category of hyper-involvement and stepping in to solve in-game disputes.

After receiving an eighth-place medal in a basketball tournament and regaining consciousness after an uncontrollable laughing fit, I thought this was the epitome of overly trying to make everyone feel good.

Although I have no data to back this up, there's something inside that tells me these kids are missing some negotiating skills and creativity in this new process of organized everything.

I mean, my parents were content if I had food, shelter, and basic clothes. Now, a cell-phone is less than 80 cents a day and designer clothes are on every corner. It's much easier to have access to everything which makes it challenging to allow your child to adapt to the world in which they live while maintaining core values. The lines of structure and creativity for adults and children are becoming increasingly murky.

It is for that reason that I say, "If you're a parent and reading this blog post, you've been nominated for Parent of the Year 2011!"

If you're concerned about being a good parent, but don't interfere, good job!

If you hover a little, but still give them space, excellent! 

If you totally have no clue, but you truly do your very best, outstanding!

If you've messed up royally and overcompensated to cover it up, kudos!

I've always joked, "I just want to be nominated for Parent of the Year (POY), because winning is guarantee due to politics of actually winning the award." Underlying the humor behind that statement is a heartfelt desire to put my children in the best opportunities to be successful. I'm slowly learning, after doing the best job I know, success for them will ultimately fall on the CHILDREN'S ability to make good decisions and navigate the world they are living. 

So with the increased responsibility, I felt parents needed a pat on the back, an at-a-boy/girl, and a keep up the good work.

Due to the politics behind deciding on the eventual winner, you most likely WON'T receive any notification beyond your initial POY nomination as it is policy to only notify actual POY WINNERS.

However, you can always say you were nominated which is quite a feat considering everything involved in the process. 

A friend of mine was told this by his parent, "The day a child is able to identify something that should have been done differently to raise them is the day they are grown and should be on their own."

I thought that was great insight and taught me that eventually when one of my kids tries to throw something like this in my face, I'll have a great response.

If all else fails, I can always ask them, "What can you expect from a POY nominee?" It's not like I eventually won the thing!

Feel free to post your comments bellow, follow me on @darrenthedad or email darrenthedad@gmail.com.