Keeping Greendale In the Pink

Measles made the news this week, as of “that for what we should be immunized against.” Yes, Measles is the Lord Voldemort of communicable diseases. 

Here at the ITB, we have been consistent in our Anti Measle position.

Anyone that knows me knows of my total disdain of Paramyxoviruses.   Even the word – Paramyxoviruses (from Greek para-, beyond, -myxo-, mucus or slime, plus virus, from Latin poison) – induces dry heaves. 

(Why Greenfield High School considered changing their team name from “Hustlin’ Hawks” to the “Fighting Paramyxoviruses” remains a total mystery.  The rendering of the mascot was just gross.)

The best way to catch the measles is to not be immunized and then be around that dastardly rubeola.  You then have a 90% chance of catching the sometimes fatal disease.  What to do?  Seek the advice of an expert.

If you do not have a trusted Family Doctor, give the good folks at the a call.  The Health Department, tucked away on Parking Street, is always a good destination for info on your health issues.

Drop my name when you call, as they know me well down at the Greendale Health Department. I made a lasting impression on my last visit to the GHD.  Apparently total nudity is not required when getting your annual flu shot.  Live and learn.  I just wish they would take down the picture posted on their Facebook page. Boy, was it ever cold in their office on that day!

While the Greendale Health Department offers an incredible amount of health-related services, there are a few things that – even when you ask politely (trust me) – they do not provide.  Examples:

1)     The GHD will not provide a MRI on Hurt Feelings.  Unless you are a government employee, this is – at best - an Out of Network expense.

2)     The GHD is not a Botox Free Clinic.  There is no secret stash.  Injecting botulinum toxin – sure, technically a poison – in my crow’s feet is somehow does not fall under the Public Health umbrella.  Go figure.

3)     The GHD is not equipped with tanning beds.  Apparently, a ‘healthy glow’ is oxymoron.  I think that is what they told me. For certain I heard the word “moron” when I inquired.

So, I know what you are thinking.  No tanning beds, no botox, no MRI on Hurt Feelings - just what are they doing at the Greendale Health Department?  Plenty.

Health Department services include: communicable disease control, environmental health services, immunization program, adult health services, home visit program, school health services, lead poisoning prevention program, health education services, the emergency preparedness program, and tobacco prevention and education.

In fact, you need a brochure to get the whole picture.  Follow this link: http://www.greendale.org/Departments/health/assets/GHD-Brochure.pdf

The Greendale Health Department is also a source for t-shirts.  You have to be willing to sweat to get one. 

Register by tomorrow (9/23) for the “” (obviously a name created by committee) and you will be t-shirt eligible.  The 5K Fun Run / 2 Mile Very Serious Walk takes place on Sunday October 16^th.  It starts at 10:30 a.m., leaving you plenty of daylight in which to finish - unless you doddle.

And I already asked – they will not allow you to drive the course, even if your car has a manual transmission.

Last thing: Immunize your kids like their lives depended on it.  You will be right.