Making Lemonade with Tainted Water in Greendale

You logically would think otherwise.  However, this job change – going from weekly to bi-weekly as a Greendale Patch columnist – makes things exponentially tougher.

My neck hurts from over-zealous looking the other way.  I now have to ignore not one, but two weeks of local news before writing a column on non-Greendale topics such as the Awesome Coolness of Ryan Braun.  

But Mr. Braun’s coolness will have to wait for another day.  Greendale will not be ignored.  Nobody puts Baby - or apparently Greendale - in the corner. 

Greendale, as it has been since its Works Progress Administration inception, is quirky.  Face it, Greendalers – we are not normal.  Maybe there is something in the water.

(Yes, that last sentence is a cheap segue, a cute hook into the topic of the day – even though the subject is so last week.) 

This water thing, like Greendale, can not be ignored. Since my measles article, (came out against them, btw), I am now honor-bound to weigh in on all matters bacteria. 

Also, I made some promises - including one to my longtime friend Jim Davenport.  Buying my ceramic pumpkins – which proved to be a bear to carve - from Jim and Cathy’s charming , Jim casually mentioned he was looking for ITB’s take on Greendale’s water issue. 

As it has been a few days, and much to the chagrin of the Greendale Chamber of Tourism, let me refresh your memory.

Greendale had a drinking problem.  

.  Hey - coliform happens. 

By all indications, Greendale handled the situation as well as any community possibly could.  Well, except for Mequon which if faced with the same problem would have sent its entire population to a spa.  In Southern France.

Yes, Greendale handled the “crisis” with professional efficiency.  But friends, could we have done better?  Did we get lemons and make lemonade – albeit lemonade that, due to the water, we would not want to drink? 

No, we did not.

With a little marketing magic, we could have turned this "crisis" into our latest civic festival:  “Greendale Water Days – A Tribute to Coliform”

The Greendale Water Boil should have included whitefish, a large pot and a Swedish cook from Door County.  While the bottled water giveaway was nice, two ply Charmin would have been a thoughtful – and timely - handout. 

The Greendale Water Days Parade would – without question – be led by Hollywood legend Woody - Toy Story’s lovable cowboy.  “Someone’s poisoned the waterhole” t-shirts would be a ‘must have’ for young and old alike. 

At the Greendale Water Days Square Dance, we could pull a few strings and put a snake in Woody’s boot.  Imagine the hilarity.  After a few rounds, we certainly would all be Woody’s favorite deputies. We would be doing “Reach for the sky” like the Brewers do “Beast Mode.”

And it would not stop there.

No doubt you are familiar with the ‘Broad Street Players’ – who annually delight throngs of chestnut-roasting fans with their rendition of Charles Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”.  It would not take much to get these community actors to knock out some Samuel Taylor Coleridge.  It is easy to envision Greendale teaching legend Al Hafemeister as the Ancient Mariner, “Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink.”  as ‘Elvis the Albatross’ alone would be worth the price of admission. 

But none of this happened. Why not, Village Officials, why not? 

Bottom line:  The purity of the ‘water hole’ has been restored.  All is well.  But there is a lesson to be learned.  The next time life hands you Coliform bacteria, have a parade.