8 Tips- The Man’s Guide to Surviving Mother’s Day Brunch

Most Moms are not like that. They want something “special” instead. They want to be taken out to brunch! Here are 8 tips on how to survive this.

1. If going as a group, determine if the mothers in law get along or if they should sit at opposite ends of a long table. The longest table in the joint.
2. Bring your usual gift of outdoor flowers into the restaurant to present to your ma (or ma’s?). I know that’s dumb, but they like to show that stuff off on the table in a crowded room.
3. At least take them someplace A.) they will love and that will B.) make you feel cool. Like Johnny Manhattan’s- it’s a beautiful ride for her, it’s a steakhouse serving an awesome brunch, it’s near Holy Hill. Your mom will forgive your 20’s if you do that, mark my word. If she’s a good mom, that is.
4. Get ready to get talked at with two completely different conversations happening at the same time.
5. Maybe hide a pint in the men’s room and alert the other men there (just the ones you like) that “Hey, take a bathroom break or 3 and check beneath the hand towel basket for something you are going to like”.
6. Encourage (the non-alcoholic of course) moms with more mimosas. A happy wife = a happy life. A happy ma = hell ya. Or something. Makes YOUR day easier, too.
7. If it’s a nice day, do something nice outdoors after. Like if you go to Johnny Manhattan’s, take them to Holy Hill for a stroll after. This will tire them out more sooner than later, and then it’s a good day for them. And you! They can walk and admire the pretty blooming flowers and you can wander off for a bit and smoke a cigar In the warm sun. On your Sunday. That’s almost as good as a short round of golf just without golfing.
8. If your mom or mother in law golfs, and wants to go golfing with you, YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST GUY ON THE PLANET TODAY, SON. Take her twice. Let her buy you a round or two from the beer cart. Brunch at Hole 19. You are both living your life the RIGHT WAY, SON.