No Soliciting!

And Get Off My Lawn! It would seem I’m ready to sit on my front porch with a shotgun and scare people off the property. Except I need a new robe – one with cargo pockets, for the Kleenex, chapstick, ammo, and another for my crossword book. But I digress…

I was so pleased to see this sign at the other day, letting customers know that they don’t encourage “barkers” to be all up in your business as you try to go about your day. I’ve gotten so tired of having to continually lie and tell well-meaning folks that I am only registered to vote on my home planet so I can get on with all the other kajillion things that have to be done in a day.

It’s not that I don’t care about all those causes, I just think trying to poach busy people on their way in and out of a business is extremely annoying. It’s obviously not a good time to try to sell people on your cause, just like it’s never a good time when someone clomps up my front steps and passes two “No Soliciting” signs on the way to try to tell me about a fantastic offer on a security system for which I only have to pay for monthly monitoring. When I explain to them that they are, in fact, trying to sell me something, they look at me with sad, wide eyes and emphatically deny it and try to explain once again that I would only pay for monitoring.  

And these days, if I can’t sign an online petition for something I’m truly passionate about, then chances are I’m not going to sign anything. I’m able to write to my government representatives right here on this computer and sometimes I even get a response, and I never have to change out of my robe. Or let my groceries get warm.

But I get it – how else can you get people involved and make them care about your cause? Sometimes it requires personal contact. I would suggest, do what the Girl Scouts just did at Trader Joe’s after the sign was put up. Put your table nearby with a clear, well-written sign for your cause (or a sandwich board) and if people come to you, then have at it – pitch that cause and pitch it good. Otherwise, quietly man your station. If no one stops by, then they’re not interested or you need a better sign. Or a better cause.

Same goes for the clipboard-bearing poachers outside of . Please. Cut it out. If you’re trying to stop people before they get some caffeine, you’re putting your life in grave danger. If you think that caffeine works fast enough to catch them on the way out, that’s just as risky but at least now they have the delicious dark elixir of life and may not kill you, but I suspect all they want to do is drink it. Right away. In peace. So, please, run along and go play on the bridge.