Health & Fitness
Plastic Turtle Flies the Coop, or Whatever It Is that Turtles Live in...
Albany PD has another busy week.
APRIL 13, FRIDAY
1:39 p.m. A thief stole a large plastic turtle during the prior weekend from Carmel Avenue.
I’m betting that large plastic turtle is adorning a frat house somewhere…
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2:36 p.m. A person who appeared to have been drinking went inside a gym on
Pierce Street and was "pretending to work out." Police were unable to locate the
source of the complaint.
Okay, if pretending to work out is a crime now, I know a lot of folks who better watch out. How does one prove that one is actually working out? Is there a minimum amount of sweat that must be produced?
Find out what's happening in Albanyfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
APRIL 14, SATURDAY
12:27 a.m. Police were called to the after a drunk woman vomited in one of the lanes and refused to leave.
Hey, she was bowling a 220, which was only a spare away from beating her record—she wasn’t about to let a little thing like a vomit-lubed lane get in the way of glory. (Too much? Hey, I only comment on the crimes—I don’t do them!)
APRIL 16, MONDAY
10:16 a.m. Police helped a resident who was locked out of a home on Santa Fe Avenue with a 4-month-old stuck inside.
Maybe the 4-month-old just needed some quiet time. How much trouble can a 4-month-old get into anyway…
8:45 p.m. Police gave a warning to an older man carrying two big bags and
wearing a light-colored jacket after he was reported to be going through
garbage on Carmel Avenue.
Is dumpster-diving actually against the law or is it too early in the year to be wearing a light-colored jacket?
APRIL 17, TUESDAY
7:52 p.m. Police gave a warning to a man in a moustache and baseball cap
driving a green Dodge caravan who was reportedly dumping paper into school
garbage bins.
Well, it’s good he got caught—putting anything recyclable in the trash bin is against our moral code even if it’s not specifically breaking any laws. And I bet that Dodge caravan is a gas-guzzler too.
APRIL 18, WEDNESDAY
11:34 a.m. A thief stole credit cards out of someone's purse at the prior day.
You’d think if you go somewhere organic, everyone should be honest…
2:59 p.m. Police checked on a man who appeared to be sleeping on Masonic Avenue.
You mean literally sleeping in the middle of the street? Because that would be a safety issue, especially for him.