The Oscars

This Sunday, Feb. 26, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will host their 84th Annual Awards celebration, often referred to as “The Oscars.”

Though I love films (both watching and working in them), admittedly this year, between working on my next book and my addiction to watching semi-random “foreign” films on Netflix streaming, I have fallen a little behind in my box office support responsibilities.

Still, never one to let ignorance stand in the way of a good (or bad) blog post, I have compiled a list of my suggestions for the Oscar Awards. 

• Best Leading Muppet in a Comedy, Musical, or Garbage Can: Oscar the Grouch
• Best Fin-ematography: Astronotus ocellatus (aka Oscars)*
• Best Couture By A Designer You're Kinda Surprised To Find Out Is Still Alive: Oscar de la Renta
• Best Cross-dressing in a Documentary or Adulterous Affair: Oscar De La Hoya
• Best Walter Matthau character: Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple
• Best Portrayal of an Historical Figure in a Film I Slept Through: Oskar Schindler in Schinder's List**
• Best Use of Epigrams in a Short Dramatic Work or Life: Oscar Wilde
• Best Use of the Word “Isinglass” in a Score or Song About Oklahoma: Oscar Hammerstein II for “The Surrey With The Fringe On Top”
• Best Use of Ears, Lips, and Snouts in a Luncheon Meat Role: Oscar Mayer for bologna***
• Best Hair: Oscar Bluth

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*Groan...

**I understand this is an unforgivable sin and makes me a horrible human being. I've come to terms with that. Yet, I stayed awake through the entire “A-Team” movie... Go figure... 

***Yes, I did have to sing the jingle to remember how to spell it properly.