Vampirical Facts

Vampires... The trend that won't stop trending. Far be it from me not to jump on any passing bandwagon (“I'm with the band”), thus I give you:

The Obligatory Vampire Post

According to Merriam-Webster, a vampire is “a bloodsucking ghost or reanimated body of a dead person believed to come from the grave and wander about by night sucking the blood of persons asleep and causing their death.” (Just in case you'd never seen an episode of “The Munsters” or “Scooby-Doo” and were unclear on the concept.)

Original Vamp: Theda Bara, whose stage name was a coincidental anagram of “Arab Death.”

Unoriginal Vamp: Me, 1989–1991. So much black eyeliner... A tragedy, really...

According to some random vampire mythology sites I read, redheads turn into vampires after death. Ditto the “morally weak.” So...

My character name on “Vampire Wars” is Mo Bloody. I was not able to come up with anything more clever. Sad...

I went on a “vampire tour” of New Orleans. It turned out to be a pub crawl broken up with intermittent ghost stories. After a point, the guide pretty much gave up on the ghost stories. At one watering hole, we met Miss Ruthie, (now departed) famed of song and story, but, sadly, not her duck. It was too rainy, so he'd stayed at home.

I've watched the first season of “True Blood” and read the free Kindle sample of “Dead Until Dark.” I enjoyed both, but for some reason seem to be unable to commit to Sookie and the Gang. (Though I do agree that “nekkid vampires” is a totally solid premise. Maybe if they brought in that hot guy from “Law and Order”...)

Has Liam Neeson ever made a nekkid vampire movie? If not, could he? Thanks ever so...

Looking back on it, I think that was my main complaint with the “Interview with the Vampire” movie... Not nekkid enough...

The same, however, cannot be said of Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 version of “Dracula.”

Best Vampire Movie, Sober: “Let the Right One In” (Låt den rätte komma in)

Best Vampire Movie, Buzzed: “The Lost Boys”*

Best Vampire Book: “Bunnicula”**

Best Vampire TV Show: “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (seasons 1 – 5)

Worst Vampire TV Show: “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (seasons 6 & 7)

Vampire(s) I most want to have (a few too many) drinks with: Spike from “BtVS” and Pam from “True Blood.” (Admit it... now you kind of want to, too, don't you?)

Vampire I most want to stake: Angel (whiny, much?)

Human I would most like to see eaten by vampires: Airport security attendants (except I think they are technically classified as zombies)

Human I would most like to see turned into a vampire: Kim Kardashian, as I think her inability to see herself in a mirror would be pretty clever as ironic punishment goes.

Best. Vampire. Ever.: Count von Count

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*Hate on, haters. The 80s ruled! (OK, no... They really didn't...)

**FWIW, I have never read/seen “Twilight” and am thus unable to comment on it.