World Mental Health Day

So, last Sunday, October 10, was World Mental Health Day. And my co-workers and I videoed and shared our answers to the question, “What do you do for your mental health?” We published our collective individual responses to an Instagram story.

For me, there was no simple answer. My agonizing over finding an authentic response seemed like a story in itself.

My first video effort involved a Mr. Miyagi-type breathing exercise in relaxation and staying clear of the TV while my under-achieving USC Trojans were playing a disappointing brand of college football. I thought my video was cute and funny. But the video wasn’t so well-received by my dental team. I was issued a do-over (just like in dental school.) As I processed the review and the request, it occurred to me how disrespectful my answer had been for folks dealing with mental health challenges. But making light of serious stuff wasn’t new to me, it was more like a reflexive survival response.

My do-over seemed to satisfy director/RDA Claudia, but not so much me. I recited a laundry list of stuff that amounted to interests and hobbies that superficially distracted me from dealing with big boy concerns that’ve never really disappeared or ceased to be troubling.

One Sunday morning, when I was 20-years old, I received a call from the U. S. consulate in Mexico City; they told me the best big brother a kid could have had fallen off of a building and died. Almost 8-years later and just into month three of my start-up dental practice, my dad suffered a fatal heart attack before my eyes. I know for sure I’ve never been the same since.

For more than twenty years, my world was about Mom; being her advocate, protector, and motivational speaker. Mom had lost a little girl before I was born and her mother when she was just a little kid.

My personal life was a non-entity, I wouldn’t allow myself to get close. To make matters worse, my only real commitment (outside of Mom) was making every experience competitive, especially having the last word…no matter what.

After my mom passed away, my team became my family; the office became my home. Even though I promised Team Leader Dani I wouldn’t spend time in the office Saturday or Sunday, take a guess where I am this morning (the day before World Mental Health Day)?

In 2003, my Office Manager and I experienced the Landmark Forum. In front of a few hundred people, the program Leader outed me as a “nice guy” bent on having the last word (even with my parents.) I apologized to practically everyone I knew and wrote a letter of apology to my parents and brother. I’m not close to batting 1.000 these days, but I’m not afraid to apologize.

Later, a practice advisor actually recommended his Life Coach and even paid for my sessions. And it felt amazing just having a professional listener on the other end of my story.

The last 18-months have been challenging for us all and that includes me. And I’m not sure if it’s the fear of loss or if I’ve just become a gutless wonder in my old age, but I’m still not a closer in my personal life. And the Covid-19 fallout includes folks who became friends and family (in addition to co-workers) …who sadly are no longer part of my life.

And I’m really not so sure how we measure good mental health. I was born into the concept of Original Sin. I carry enough guilt around for the Dodgers AND the Giants. I know I suffer from approval addiction. And especially during an election year, there’s definitely some serious “getting the last word in” going on. But I do know the value of a conversation with someone who’s trained and cares; it always helps.

My own home care support of counseling and doing something about my mental health has been being a better listener, being more willing to occupy the other guy’s shoes, and looking and listening for any and all things positive. The hill I will die on is my sense of humor.

The selfie video I recorded this morning and sent to Director Claudia post-production was about finding treats, rewards, or opportunities to live into every day, no matter how large or small- sharing about World Mental Health Day was one of ‘em. I doubt Claudia will use the video…but I’ve saved it.