How Sushi Kiyono Almost Won My Heart

Finding a new sushi bar is like finding a new boyfriend. They all have their quirks and personalities. Some are better looking than others. Some have better taste. Personally, I play the field and can’t seem to make a commitment. But recently, I found one that I think has potential: on South Beverly Drive.

Here’s a brief rundown on lessons learned from my previous sushi bar love life.

The California Playboy Sushi Bar

The loud greeting I get when I enter some typically loud California-style sushi bars, with a line out the back and a long wooden bar, tells me I’m in for a ride. You know, the greeting that sounds like “Asha-sah-seyyyyyyyyy!” But don’t hang out there too long or you’ll become a beach bum surfer who never grew up—just enjoy it for what it is. Have fun and satisfy your cravings, but don’t rely on this kind for a long-lasting relationship.

The Bad Boy Sushi Bar

This place promotes rock 'n' roll sake oyster shooters and serves mediocre rolls with crazy names and downright terrible sashimi—which, I admit, does taste better after the second Kirin Ichiban. It’s the kind of place you go to once or twice and never come back—or you recommend it for a gals’ night out because it will give you something to talk about. And for goodness sake, don’t bring the parents!

The Lovable Platonic Friend (Who Is Secretly Crushing on You) Sushi Bar

Serve-yourself-your-own-wasabi-from-a-tub, with half price happy hours and waiters who ring you up by the number of dirty plates in front of you, makes you feel at home. This bar wants you to come back and spend more time and the cozy, well-priced food is tempting, but you need to keep your distance, as this sushi bar has qualities that don’t match yours and once it latches on, it’s hard to make the break.

The PG-13 Suburban Husband Sushi Bar

The Disneyland sushi boats and smiley waiters are fun but creepy in a Stepford Wives kind of way. Because it’s floating on by you, you’ve seen it all before and it’s therefore inherently, predictably boring. The whole scene is great with kids and is priced right, but frankly, has lost its sexiness. Don’t frequent this establishment, as you’ll become a Desperate Housewife in no time.

But nothing beats a quiet, authentic, no-nonsense sushi bar. I tried Sushi Kiyono last week and fell in love at first bite. But like every love story, after a while, I began to see its flaws.

A nice, quiet smile and nod from the chef will greet you. The waitress serves you right away and the room is immaculate. The sous-chef makes his own rice paper for sushi rolls and Kiyono grinds its own fresh wasabi. The fish is perfect.

“This is the one!” I thought. That is, until I began to learn about Kiyono’s tragic flaw.

Yes, Sushi Kiyono is insecure. It underestimates its own self-worth—and makes a lame, half-hearted attempt to fit in—by Americanizing the menu with such items as Sexy Dancer Roll (fresh water eel tempura and asparagus with pink soy paper), Las Vegas Fever Roll (shrimp tempura, spicy tuna and avocado with soy paper), Show Me the Money Roll (shrimp tempura with California roll) and the Godfather Roll (baked fresh water eel with shrimp tempura and asparagus).

Kiyono should leave those crazy rolls for the plebeian and keep its authenticity for the die-hard. It's like a bad first date but you know there’s potential, so I’ll give Kiyono a second chance. Just serve me your raw fish, baby, and I’m yours.

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