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Greater Sage Grouse Denied Endangered Species Act Protection
A satirical look at current events!
Greater Sage Grouse Denied Endangered Species Act Protection: In a controversial move, the Obama administration has denied Endangered Species Act protections to the “greater sage grouse.” Opponents of the ruling say the denial of protected status is the result of a grouse misunderstanding. The birds seem to be taking it all in stride, but obviously this kind of setback would have disheartened a lesser sage grouse.
Perfect Pre-Roman Tomb Discovered at Pompeii: Researchers say they have discovered a Pre-Roman era tomb in perfect condition at Pompeii, the archaeological site buried in a 79AD Mt. Vesuvius eruption. Archeologists say it was pretty obvious the area was the scene of a volcanic disaster given all of the lava lamps scattered about the place.
Find out what's happening in Calabasasfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Native Americans Want Wyoming’s Devils Tower Name Changed: Spiritual leaders the Sioux and other Native American tribes want U.S. officials to rename Devils Tower - an iconic rock formation and national monument in Wyoming - that has religious and cultural importance to the tribes. Legal experts say about the only way they’ll ever get that name changed would be to Sioux.
New Drug for Double Chins Seeking Approval: A drug that treats fat below the chin, invented by a little-known nonprofit Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute, is seeking approval both in Europe and the United States. And until the drug is finally approved, about all doctors can do is urge patients to keep their chin up.
Find out what's happening in Calabasasfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Study Claims a Third of Britons Will Develop Dementia: According to an analysis commissioned by the charity campaign group Alzheimer’s Research UK, one in three people born in Britain in 2015 will develop dementia. Researchers say the only silver lining is that at least they probably won’t realize they’re eating British food every day.
Study Finds Earth Has More Trees Than Previously Thought: In a recent study published in Nature, a team of scientists found that the planet is home to over 3 trillion trees, far exceeding the previous estimate of 400 billion. Scientists say this study pretty much lays to rest any complaints bears may have about not having any place to go to the bathroom.
Two Cheetahs Escape Indianapolis Zoo: Two cheetahs who were on-loan from the San Diego Zoo have been captured after briefly escaping their confinement area at the Indianapolis Zoo. Relieved local residents say that while they’re happy the cheetahs were captured, you can’t really blame you can’t really blame them for wanting to get the hell out of Indianapolis.
California Legislature Approves Assisted Suicide Bill: In a landmark victory for supporters of assisted suicide, the California State Legislature passes a bill that would allow doctors to help terminally ill people end their own lives. Opponents are threatening to kill the bill.
