Hey parents, guess what? If your child turns out “bad” it isn’t entirely your fault. That is the good news. The other part of the good news is this—if your child turns out “good” you can’t take all the credit. According to the socialization theory of development, a child’s environment has more to do with who his or her peers are than with how the parents raise the child. In other words, how the parent raises the child has less to do with the formation of the adult personality than it does with the socialization process of peer influence. That is, 50% of the non-shared environment (events that occur inside and outside of the family but are not shared between siblings) makes up the variance in personality, and behavior. While the other 50% comes from heritable traits (influenced by genetic wiring and underpinning), 0% of the variance is attributed to the shared environment (events within the family that are experienced amongst the siblings). This is known as the 50-0-50 rule according to behavior geneticists. This research is important because it helps scientists account for those siblings who share half their genes and are raised by the same set of parents yet behave as differently as children who are from different families with different sets of parents. As a parent myself I utilize this information to inform decisions I make about who my children can “hang with” and what types of environments they can “hang out” in. The training I provided to them in their younger, more dependant and formative years lays inside of them somewhere like tiny, frozen seeds. The influence of their friends and their interpretation of events that happen away from me can either water and nurture these seedlings or altogether deprive them of nutrients and sunlight. It is simultaneously harder than ever before to parent due to the “interference” of technology and social media bombarding our children’s every waking moment as well as easier than ever before thanks to our ability as parents to “track” our children more closely—if we choose to. The potential for bad consequences parents feel about allowing kids to text, join Facebook, and other social media sites seem more weighted in light of the tragedies that scream from the headlines in the daily news. We read of suicides, bullying, and permanent damage than occurs when youngsters with immature brains have access to powerful tools like YouTube, Twitter and other popular sites. I do not envy this generation’s technologic “know-how” and inability to regard privacy and modesty with high esteem. Too many times youthful mistakes leave permanent scars thanks to the proliferation of audio recording devices and the permanence of text messages and emails. There are far reaching legal consequences that stem from bad behavior coupled the narcissism that fuels this generation’s quest to “put everything out there” in cyberspace. Perhaps some of the most offensive, brutal, depraved and despicable behavior teens today boldly broadcast is driven by narcissism which is supported by technology. Children will most likely grow into adults whose personality, values and behavior resembles that of their parents. This has more to do with what goes on at the cellular level rather than variations in rearing behavior. Still, I would blame myself if my children turned out poorly because they hung around “bad” kids and frequented “bad” environments. As the parent it is my duty to be a “good enough parent” and know where my minor children are and with whom they are spending time. It is my obligation to impose consequences on behavior I do not support. Still, if my children turn out to be pillars in the community, I cannot take all the credit. Why? Because genes make up 50% and the unshared environment makes up the other 50% of the adult a child eventually becomes.
