Who Me, a Celebrity?

Consider this an open letter to Save Our Schools Castro Valley! (hereafter referred to as SOSCV!)

You guys are a great organization, you’re bending over backwards to help out our schools. I have tried to help you as much as possible. I’ve posted information about your mission and your events, heck, I’ve even volunteered at those events.

And this is where the situation gets sticky.

Having an event where you raise funds by . But when those waiters and waitresses have no claim or right to celebrity it disappoints everyone. 

I have volunteered at two of these pseudo-celebrity events so far. And imagine the disappointment my customers, your potential donors, must feel when they find out that I am the “celebrity” they are stuck with. The befuddlement, the questioning of “Who the heck is this guy?" The pure WTF that they experience when I wheel up to their table.

Enough about them SOSCV!; what about me? How many times must my soul be crushed as I explain that my claim to fame is a Facebook page dedicated to Castro Valley. Adding insult to injury, I then have to explain what Facebook is. They are still staring at me uncomprehendingly, lamely I try to tread water and save some face by explaining that I also write a . Now I’m explaining the internet and the word “blog.” Flop sweat, close to tears.

How are you making me feel good about myself, SOSCV!? Your celebrity? 

You can’t turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse. It doesn’t matter how many EBMUD pencils and sponges Frank Mellon passes out, he’s no faded sports star. Dan Willits is great, he’s funny, a pillar of our community, but he’s no ghost of Cliff Burton. Local politicians, , aren’t interesting and don’t count as celebrities. Internet goof balls, like me, besides the fact we’re liable to bite the hand that feeds us by lampooning you in print, well, heck no one really cares about us.

But I do care about you SOSCV!, so I asked the members of CVLegends to nominate some local celebrities to work your next event. Some of their responses can be found below, feel free to take notes:

Mary Hovingh: Al the barber, Larry from Al's, hmmmm. thinking.

Phillip Annas: The originators of the CV bar crawl. Steve, Ryan, Dave, Will and Chris. They may not be celebrities but should be considered legends. Also, Brodie Brazil, sports announcer.

Jennifer Darcey: John Vella. Does the Raiders Janakoswki still live off of Lake Chabot Rd

Ted Lone Eagle Thiel: Karin Kascher. I think she was CVHS Class of 1970 and went on to become Miss California. Don't know if she still lives in Castro Valley.

Margaret K. Dove: Ms. Kascher lives in Petaluma

Joleen Ironside: Jack Bisio!!!

Karen Moschella: The guy that played Newman on Seinfeld. Can't remember his name but he lived in C.V. and drove a big yellow Hummer. Haven't seen it around lately so I don't know if he still lives here.

Loretta Zermani: There are a lot of retired 49ers and Giants that are around.

Hope this helps you SOSCV! I expect your next event to be peopled with celebrity, maybe limos out front, a red carpet, flashbulbs popping and gift baskets for your staff. 

Or if not, I suppose you can call me. I dare say I can shoulder the heavy burden of wearing the celebrity mantle one more time. You can probably twist my arm just enough that I will relent and let you refer to me as a celebrity for just one night. I won’t take pleasure in it, I won’t eat it up with a spoon as I parade around my house practicing my most gracious "who me?" smiles. I won’t beg...

SOSCV!, Please call me, my schedule is open.

Please.