Chalet Comfortable . . . .

I recently helped my daughter write her first resume.

You may remember that first resume, where you have no job, no experience, and are still in high school. It’s a challenge.

I found myself advising her to use big words where little ones would do in order to describe herself in more glowing terms.

We all have things on our resume that sound more grandiose than they really are: a simple task of straightening a messy desk into file folders may appear as a bullet point on our resume as “created a system to organize and expedite administrative correspondence.”

My daughter had a job over the summer, teaching tennis to the little kids in the summer camps at Crow Canyon Country Club. About that job, she would tell you “it was fun,” and “the kids were really cute!”

But I coached her to include bullet points about her duties that included “setting up the equipment” and “motivating and organizing the groups.”

She looked apprehensive about this description of fetching the basket of tennis balls from the shed and directing the boys and girls to opposite sides of the court — but it was accurate if not humble.

If resume writing is creative and filled with translations like that, then maybe it’s good practice for writing real estate brochures.

Tom Kortizija, an agent in my office, suggested real estate euphemisms would make a nice topic for today’s column, saying: “Like when the flier says the home is ‘light and bright,’ but you get there and it turns out that there’s no roof.” 

Tom exaggerates — at least I don’t think that really happened — but he went on to make his point with a few of his favorites:

• Charming, A Doll House - This is a tiny home.
• Commuter's Dream - There is a highway roaring past the back yard.
• Close to amenities - Perhaps there is a shopping mall next door.
• Must see inside - Outside is ugly.
• Not a drive-by - This is probably why there is no photo of the house.
• Efficient Kitchen - Too small to fit two adults.
• Usable land - No Trees.  
• Country Living - Too far from anywhere to drive to work.

I had to laugh thinking of my own “best foot forward” wording on my marketing materials.

I had a listing recently (pictured), a gorgeous home in a lovely setting (see the virtual tour: 1920 Meadow Lane http://www.tourfactory.com/797328), located at the end of a bumpy-private-skinny road in severe disrepair. Every time I drove there, I fretted over every bump in the road, worried that buyers would hate it.

In fact, the house sold immediately and at full price with multiple offers, so either buyers aren’t as picky as I feared, or they were charmed by my brochure’s description of the home’s location: “secluded at the end of a private country lane.”

That’s the glass-is-half-full way to look at it.

Decoding property brochures can be fun:

• Creekside setting (check to see if it’s in a flood zone and beware of mosquitos)
• Cozy cottage (make sure your knees don’t hit the door when you sit on the toilet)
• Lots of potential (needs updating)
• Maintenance-free landscaping (rock garden)
• Meticulously maintained (they haven't updated anything in 40 years).

I found “Nestled among $$$ Million Dollar++ homes” describing a home where all the other houses on the block had been torn down and rebuilt. 

“Secluded” can mean “way out there” and “unique” or “special” can be red flags.  The house on Meadow Lane with the “country lane” was unique and special and secluded. I worried when I used those adjectives that people might wonder what I really meant… but sometimes special really means special! 

I had some help thinking of these translations — not just from Tom, but credit must go to Danville residents Greg Souza, Marilyn Bradburn and Julie Macholz.

And you! I’d love to hear about creative writing that you’ve observed in our brochures. Tell us about it!