Balancing work and family is a common struggle for women in our society today. As noted in an article, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All, Anne-Marie Slaughter states “having it all was not possible in many types of jobs, including high government office—at least not for long.” The dedication and ambition to be successful at work takes time and energy away from family. Slaughter further explains the sacrifices that women have to make with their family order to advance their career thus limiting the quality time that women have to be with family.
In addition, there is a cultural and gender bias in our society that makes it more challenging for women to find that work-life balance. Women are traditionally expected to do more housework and child rearing than men. In 2012, a study by theBureau of Labor Statistics found that on an average day 83 percent of women versus 65 percent of men spent some time doing household activities such as finance, lawn care, and other household management work. In regards to just housework, on an average day, 19 percent of men performed housework duties versus 48 percent of women.
When women strive to EXCEL in both their professional and personal lives, most find themselves feeling overextended, overwhelmed, and stressed. As noted in Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In, Sharon Poczter, professor of economics at Cornell, explains, “The antiquated rhetoric of ‘having it all’ disregards the basis of every economic relationship: the idea of trade-offs. All of us are dealing with the constrained optimization that is life, attempting to maximize our utility based on parameters like resource or time. Due to the scarcity of this resource, therefore, none of us can ‘have it all,’ and those who claim to are most likely lying.” In other words, being able to work long hours, attending to all of your child(ren) and partner’s needs, having a spotless home, and having time to make home-cook meals are realistically not feasible to do by yourself.
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In order to find work-life balance, you need to be authentic with yourself in determining what your priorities are so you can focus your energy on it. Here are three tips on making the work-life balance work for you!
Tip#1: Prioritizing yourself and your needs. Create a safe and quiet space to critically think about how to care for yourself. Some questions to get that process started are:
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What are my needs?
What makes me feel happier each day?
How will I be able to incorporate it into my life?
When you are able to identify your needs and take care of it, you will be in a better position and state of mind to engage in family and work.
Tip#2: Ask for help when you need it and let go of things that do not matter as much. Maybe taking time to read a book is more important than having an organized bookshelf.
Tip #3: Say NO! Learn to say no and set firm boundaries. Sandberg says it best in her book, “The best way to make room for both live and career is to make choices deliberately- to set limits and stick to them.”
All in all create your own definition of what it means to have a work-life balance and toss out the old idea of what it should be. Making deliberate choices lets you focus on what is important to you, which will also help you nourish yourself, your family, and you career.
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Amy Chang, M.S, is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist with a private practice in San Diego, CA. She offers individual therapy and couples counseling on relationship issues and life challenges.
*Please note, this is only a blog for informational purposes and is not intended to replace professional therapeutic help. If you are interested in working with me for individual therapy or couples counseling, please visit www.therapysd.com
