Be gentle with yourself.

Woke this morning very late and very intentionally. 
To move forward or visit what may be going backwards?
Chose to do neither. Ate a bowl of cereal. 

I'm not a young man anymore and I cannot, will not, try to return to my youth. I much prefer to live maturity to the fullest. It's an adjustment. The body changes. You can see your baggage everywhere. It's easy to live in the past and feel you know what to expect in the future. In other words, it is a great temptation for most of us to find ways to limit ourselves. This is especially true when life doesn't seem to be going our way; when we are tempted to feel stuck.

So, going to my new church was the move forward. Big day for them. Celebration services for a 23 year anniversary of one of their ministers. Pot luck to follow. Well, that may have been too much for my first trip.

The alternative is what I'd been doing 5 days out of 7 for over the past year before moving across the bay bridge. Go to my favorite restaurant and see my favorite man.

Although I look good for my age he is half of it and when I learned that recently a lot of my hopes dissipated. 

Besides, it isn't in my budget anymore .. that whole employment thing.
Again. Faith. I never dreamed I'd be still seeking employment. Guys like me get snatched up quick. I know my good manifests itself, there isn't any other option that I'll accept.

I see the next half even brighter than the first half but for now there is still this water to cross. Then I realize that even in letting go nothing is lost, even that which is lost.

I still have memories that return with feelings whether I like it or not. So I retool them to make them pleasant or at least bless them. No point in having memories discourage me.

I see that the church will happen. Minor delay. The restaurant and Marcial will resolve themselves. Work comes.  

For now I'll watch the hummingbirds play in the tree outside my kitchen window and be glad.