Grief

     The struggle to live without my precious mother is an ongoing process. I wrote about grieving to help myself and to help you cope if you have lost someone you love.
     I find grief harder than I imagined. The "resurfacing" thing keeps knocking me out. So what I learned I will share with you. We all grieve differently.
     Grief is INVISIBLE to others. Others do not know your heart is still breaking. Others do not remember your continuous struggle to cope with your loss. Be patient with family and friends.
     Grief RESURFACES. When you least expect it grief resurfaces and knocks you out again. Grief resurfacing is torture. Right when you are sailing through your day, it happens. It feels like you are on a roller coaster. There are highs and lows.
     And there are TURBULENT moments! I still wash my face with tears like a little kid. Grief is personal. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't expect too much too soon.
     Grief is FOG. You cannot see clearly in fog. If you go too fast in the fog you crash. Then pick yourself up, brush yourself off and know the fog will lift. "This too shall pass."
     You are NORMAL. Crying uncontrollably is normal. Not crying is normal. Whatever you are doing if right for you. But do HELP YOURSELF by sharing the pain when it is unbearable. Talking to your loved one is normal.
     The FIRST YEAR is the hardest.  All firsts are heart bursts. The first holidays are torture without your loved one. You need to be with people that love you and care about you. It's okay to fall apart.
     There are TRIGGERS. A variety of things trigger our emotions. Songs make you cry. Other songs make you smile. Reading cards or letters they wrote you could be bitter sweet. You miss them. Your heart aches for them. Even your sense of smell can be a trigger. Smelling their perfume or cologne brings back memories that trigger emotions.
     Believing they are happy is the TRUTH. Trust God and know you will see your loved one again.
     Their LEGACY is important. Keep your loved one's memory alive. Tell their story. Share with those who care.
     When you are ready revisit places you enjoyed together. If it is comforting wear their clothing or jewelry to remind you of them. (I wear my mother's cross)
     Acknowledge grief is a PAINFUL place to be. Grief is paralyzing to the one grieving. Sometimes we walk. Other times we crawl. Some people get stuck. They don't want to move. If you don't want to move, if you don't want to go on you are in crisis. Reach out. People love you, people care.
     There are STAGES of grief. The stages range from being in shock to anger, guilt, denial, and depression. In time the last stage is acceptance. Not everyone goes through each stage and not necessarily in that order.
     MOURNING is hard work. You must work (live) through the pain. It is a process. It is about not giving up. It is about going on.
     God Bless You if you are hurting because someone you love is away. Your life has changed. Take your time. One day you will smile. One day you will dance. And my friend, one day you will meet again. Take care.