A Bromance That Lacks Special Powers

I should say this right up front: Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy, who play Magneto and Charles Xavier in X-Men: First Class, are two of my favorite actors on the planet right now. Fassbender hails from Ireland, and has been slowly but steadily building a stellar career. He can go from sexually feral in Fish Tank to poised and steely in Inglourious Basterds. McAvoy, on the other hand, grew up in Glasgow, Scotland, and has made a name for himself in films like Atonement and The Last King of Scotland. There's no one better at playing sweet but strong, morally incorruptible young men who can’t help but do the right thing. 

I knew going in that X-Men: First Class is a prequel to all of the other X-Men movies. It tells the origin story of Erik Lehnsherr, who later becomes Magneto (Fassbender), and Charles Francis Xavier, who later becomes Professor X (McAvoy). Since the X-Men franchise has been one of the more intelligent ones, with interesting characters and complicated relationships, I expected to finally get to see why Professor X and Magneto's relationship is so complicated. I mean, wasn't that the whole point of making a prequel?

Apparently not.

Fassbender and McAvoy spend over two hours wading through this messy, rambling, pretentious movie for nothing. Aside from a few moments when each of them gets to do some real acting, they are forced to act out the most obvious tropes of their characters. Magneto is angry and tortured, Charles Xavier is naïve and kind. Magneto scowls and his face turns red when he moves things with his magnetic hands. Charles Xavier always places a forefinger to his temple and looks strained when he attempts to use his telepathic powers. There is no depth, insight or even a moment of fun to be had here. Watching Fassbender and McAvoy in this film is like watching two championship racehorses try to run with chains wrapped around their legs.

Several other factors add to the surreal quality of the film. Kevin Bacon plays the villain, Sebastian Shaw, with lambchop sideburns and a perpetual leer. January Jones essentially plays her character Betty Draper from Mad Men, but spends the entire movie dressed in white leather. Rose Byrne is a CIA agent who runs around in her lingerie, and hot newcomer Jennifer Lawrence manages to turn Mystique into a whiny, sullen young woman who is opposite of powerful and sexy. The entire plot revolves around the X-Men saving the world from the Cuban Missile Crisis, and by the time John F. Kennedy comes on the screen to tell everyone that the world is saved, you want to stab yourself in the eye with a sharp stick.

So I say shame on Matthew Vaughn. He directed X-Men: First Class, and managed to squander the opportunity to work with two great actors and spit in the eye of a great franchise.

One Patch out of Five

Sorry, folks. No Overheard in the Ladies Room this week...