How to Handle Back-to-School Jitters

There are lots of reasons why kids cling to their parents when being dropped off in kindergarten or first grade, or when they don’t want to go to middle school, or even get tearful when they head to college. What matters the most is what we teach our kids to do when these feelings of apprehension seem to overwhelm them. So here are some ideas for handling those anxiety-filled days ahead of time.

When kids tell their parents that they don’t want to go to school, most parents respond by listing all of the reasons why they must go and try to convince them that school is fun. Whether or not your kids go to school should never be a topic of discussion, because the reality is that they are going to have to go. Instead, say to your kids, “In our family, we don’t say we don’t want to go to school. We talk about how we’re going to make school fun and how we’ll work through conflicts or disappointments at school.”

Another technique you can use that works really well with elementary kids, or if your child is going to a new school, is practicing going to school. Young kids need to “play school” on non-school hours so they can predict what to expect at school and learn how to behave at school. So put on a silly hat and pretend that you’re their teacher inviting them to participate in a pretend classroom.

It’s also helpful to agree ahead of time on a final drop-off ritual, so that your kids will know exactly when your good-bye ends and you will leave (and you must leave no matter what). Parents have a tendency to say goodbye dozens of times and then don’t leave if their child gets worried or tense, or if a younger child starts to cry.  What this tells your child is that you’re not sure they can be left at school and maybe you’re unsure of the situation. So at home, make an art project together for their room that says, “School Drop Off is Safe,” so your kids know that school is a safe and secure place.  Then practice your FINAL goodbye, and that can be anything from a high-five hand slap, to a kiss on each cheek, to saying “have a great day” or “see you soon!” Whatever you decide, stick to it absolutely every day.

Finally, understand that school is just like any new situation and it comes with a certain amount of stress, because kids cannot possibly anticipate everything that might happen day-to-day. So even if they are going back to the same school, with all of their friends in the same town, keep in mind that the dynamics of school changes every single day: some days your child might be in a bad mood, tired or their best friend is sick, or they have a substitute teacher, or there is a fire drill, or their group of friends starts to eat lunch without them, or they get a test score back that disappoints them and so forth. Teach your child how to cope with unpredictable school days.

Parents, as always, I would love to hear how you feel and deal with this subject, Dr. Ann

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