Dream It to Life

While the rest of the country is just getting its first taste of real summer, this time of year in Laguna Niguel we usually wake to a heavy marine layer in the morning. 

The local weatherman calls it "May gray," "June gloom."  If we are lucky, it burns off in the afternoon.  The rare mornings when you do wake up to sunshine, you can tell … because everyone is in a good mood.

"I just wish it would rain, already," I thought as I prepared breakfast for the kids and got them ready for school. Looking out the kitchen window, I could see the gray skies covering my yard like a blanket, a heavy mist hugging the trees. 

“Either cry and get it out or get over it,” I muttered to the skies again when by 3 p.m. they were still holding a grudge.

As usual, I found myself irritated by the weather, which feels like our city is pent up, depressed and overwhelmed by the inability of the sky to make up its mind.

On the side of my yard lies a barren dirt hillside. For the eight years that we have lived here, it has been lonely and desolate.  A constant reminder of things unfinished.  Indecisive and sad. Lately, it has reminded me of me. I might not be able to change the weather, or the economy, or the world,  but I could certainly change my attitude.  I decided to try.

Wisdom Comes in Small Packages

Lucas the Dog and I gazed up at the hillside where one lonely eucalyptus tree sat, surrounded by several desperate-looking patches of dried-up purple ice plant.  At the bottom of the hill was a patch of sand, a few wispy weeds shaking in the wind like a baby rattle.  Like the skies overhead, I was overwhelmed. 

“Whatcha doin’, Mama?” asked my daughter, Buggy, just in from soccer practice.

“Trying to decide how to make sunshine, Buggy,” I replied fondly, giving her a kiss on the top of her golden head.  Not to be left out, Lucas affectionately nudged her hand with his nose and barked. 

“I think we should plant sunflower seeds, Mama, lots of them, all over the hill. That way every time you look at them, you will see happiness."

That weekend, Buggy and I made our way to Lowe's and Home Depot to purchase packs of sunflower seeds.  For the next week, we spent hours carefully planting five different kinds of sunflowers—more than 180 seeds in all—1 foot apart.  The tallest of them, “Skyscraper,” would reportedly grow to be 12 feet tall. 

After planting our last seed, Buggy and I surveyed the hillside with satisfaction as the sprinklers began their job of watering our baby sunshine seeds.

 Overhead a red-tailed hawk took to the air in complaint as a much smaller bird chased it away from its nest.  How fearless it was when it came to protecting what mattered, no matter how daunting.  I felt a measure of hope at what we had begun.  I would be the same when it came to protecting this hillside of happiness we had planted together. 

So in order to identify and protect the area, I surrounded it with bright yellow caution tape.

Be Careful What You Wish For

For 10 days, Buggy and I waited anxiously for the first sprouting of our sunflowers.  Eventually, the whole family got involved, and every morning we would rush outside before school to see if something magical had happened overnight.  Nothing.

One morning, the gray skies relented, and I woke up to hard winds and rain. 

“I hope the seeds don’t wash away,” I said to myself as I gazed out the window.  I nervously twisted a lock of my hair, a habit I had had since childhood. 

“I am sure they will be fine,” my husband said as he entered the room.

Oliver the Cat meowed in support at my feet and wove his body through my legs, his tail high.  I am ever enchanted by the sound of rain, but this time I was worried.

That night I went to bed and as usual thought about how hard the past five years had been—not just for us, our family and friends, but also for the world.   I thought about the earthquakes, the tornadoes, the floods.  I thought about the families I have seen right in my own city, homeless, holding up signs for work, any work, and humbly asking for help outside Costco. 

I finally gave in to my own gray skies and cried; the sounds of the rain outside were like the voices of a children’s choir, singing in harmony with my heart.

When You Dream, Dream Big

Then I dreamed. I dreamed I was in a large theater, standing slightly offstage watching Christina Aguilera rehearse a number with her dancers. 

“This is one heck of a dream!” I said out loud, startling the stagehand to my left.  “God, I hope I am skinny in this dream!” 

Because it was a dream, a mirror instantly appeared out of nowhere, and to my delight, I saw I was skinny and dressed fashionably, hip for my age. 

“Wow, I gotta remember what I ate last night!” I said to myself as I surveyed my reflection in the mirror. 

Suddenly, Christina walked offstage, and I followed her.  I found her sitting on the floor in the hallway, her legs stretched out in front of her, holding a bottle of Fiji water in her hand. 

“You OK?” I asked her. She looked tired. 

“Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could just be like the wind over the ocean: fearless. You know?"  She then started humming a little melody. 

“Hey, I like that,” I told her. “That sounds like a great song!”   

She sang a few more lines, and right away I joined in and finished the second part of the first verse.  She stopped and looked at me, arching a perfectly groomed brow.  

"You finish this song for me, OK?" 

She smiled at me, and grabbing her towel, she started to walk back to the stage.

“Hey, does this mean a co-write?” I called after her. 

She turned around and tossed her flaxen curls provocatively.

“We’ll see," she said, winking.

I woke up to the warmth of sunshine on my face.  Opening my sleepy eyes, I glimpsed a ribbon of bright blue sky between the gap in my window curtains.  I smiled and instantly reached for my notepad and wrote down the song I had written with Christina Aguilera. 

“Mama, the sun is out!” I heard Buggy calling me from downstairs.  “Come see!”

Grabbing my Ugg boots, I ran outside. Completely covering my damp hillside and raising their proud, strong green stems to the sky were my baby seeds of sunshine.  They had fearlessly survived the gray skies. They had survived the wind and the rain.

 As will we all.