College Admissions: The Heat Is On

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 3.2 million students are expected to graduate from high school this year. I am going to take a not-so-giant leap of faith and guess that some of their parents are feeling the same rise in temperature that I am. 

With early decision and early action applications due in November, the college admissions cycle is now moving at warp speed. At least that’s how it feels to this mom. 

Essays that my daughter began writing in the summer are now being tweaked and then tweaked some more. First quarter grades (they count!) are being recorded, extra curricular activities are being participated in, and for my already too busy child, a weekend job is also part of the equation. Yes, the heat is definitely on.

My husband and I are feeling anxious. We want for our daughter all the good things she wants for herself. And while we know (both intellectually and from personal experience) that the world will not end if she isn’t accepted to the college of her dreams, we’d prefer that she does get in. Who wants to witness their child’s heartbreak, even knowing it will be short-lived?

The mood swings are intense.

One minute our gregarious girl is visibly excited about her prospects for next year. Moments later, she is feeling overwhelmed and frustrated; a challenging senior course load, the one she selected, taking its toll.

Thankfully, the most grueling part of the admissions process lasts for a relatively short period of time. My husband and I remind our daughter of this fact often. Always her biggest cheerleaders, we walk around the house saying things like: “Hang on!” “Stay motivated!” “You are almost done!” And we’ve suggested, at least in the short-term, that she eliminate activities or pursuits that are adding stress, and not serenity, to her life.

Dr. Michael Mantell, a family psychologist who has had a practice in San Diego for 35 years, said that it is both helpful and appropriate for parents to share opinions about specific colleges with their children, but added that they need to remember that the experience belongs to their child, not them. 

“Ask your kids what kind of help they want from you during the process and remain completely optimistic, calm. Don't let your anticipatory worry infect your child,” Mantell said.

Mantell offered the following tips to help eliminate stress during the college admissions process: 

• Listen to your kids. Help them identify their anxiety-producing thoughts. Watch for signs of stress or overwhelming feelings and reward every step of progress with praise. 

• Set times when you WON’T talk about the application process—everyone needs a break from it.

• Help students stay organized; help them recognize and meet deadlines.

• Remain realistic when it comes to the fit of the college and the student, and have a solid backup plan.

• Help your kids realize there is no PERFECT school. Be reassuring, focus on the fun and excitement of this time period, and above all, maintain a sense of humor.

By the time winter arrives, the temperature in my house (fingers crossed) will have dropped. In the meantime, I think I’ll leave my windows wide open—and take a lot of deep breaths.