Part II: Are Our Kids Using Drugs and Alcohol To Cope? What To Do.

Personally, I never believe it is too late to deal with a child.  If you do not address your child's drug or alcohol use your denial may also send the message that you don't really care. The main thing to keep in mind is that this is the life of your child you are dealing with.  Your popularity is of less importance than your influence toward safety.  The easier route by far is to begin the process as early as possible.

The key, in my opinion, to dealing effectively with difficult subjects with children is establishing an atmosphere early on where children feel safe talking to their parents.  Ideally this would mean making a concerted effort from the time a child is born to encourage expression while letting the child know what the family's values are and why.  Rigidity does not work as well as being consistent in attitude and behavior and being factual in explanations.  When children are exposed to the repercussions of drug use they are being educated in an effective way.  This means the parents may have to do some reading to get the correct information before they make mandates.  Parents need to express an awareness that drugs are a part of society and in so doing let the child know that they will be available in social and even school surroundings. 

The influence of the family must be strong to overcome the temptation to fit in with peers, which is the goal of childhood and adolescence. If you have a defeatist attitude about your influence when pitted against that of the child's environment your child will lose.  If you take the route of making threatening statements instead of having discussions you may get a rebellious response.  I think you need to be prepared to answer the question "Why?" if you say, "Just say no" (if anyone says that anymore).  If you don't really have an answer you need to educate yourself. 

Children do well with concrete answers combined with compassion and understanding.  If you know of examples of young people who have died of overdoses, suffered physical, psychological and professional setbacks due to drug use you might tell those stories. 

Children also need to know that any good feelings they might experience on drugs are temporary escapes from the pain they might be feeling about life.  The pain itself stays trapped inside the child until it is dealt with.  Encouraging talk about the difficult time a child is having teaches how to problem solve while offering the support of the family so that the child knows he or she is not alone.  If the real issue is not dealt with and an escape through getting high is chosen, the child has learned nothing and will undoubtedly come up against this same type of problem again and again.

The truth is that when people begin using substances to deal with the difficulties of life at an early age, they stop growing developmentally at that age.  Since we cannot simply skip stages of development they are virtually frozen in time when it comes to coping and problem solving although they are participating in the adult world.  This usually leaves them feeling like failures, struggling with low self-esteem and difficulty establishing or maintaining healthy relationships.  They must then as adults begin the process they should have worked through naturally years earlier.

The bottom line is that parents need to spend the time to educate and support their children.  This may mean re-prioritizing your life.  If you can let your kids know that no question is too insignificant or dangerous to pose it opens the gateway to discussions that may well surprise and inspire you. 

Role modeling teaches children more effectively than anything you say or don't say.  If you are using substances (including alcohol) to cope with your life you are teaching your child to do likewise.  If you are being obviously hypocritical you are not fooling your children.  If you have a problem with substance use you need to face it and get the help you need.  If you are clear that you would want a better life for your children, start with getting that life for yourself.  Your healing will be the best lesson for your child.

If you find your child has taken drugs, shaming is not the path to recovery.  You will need to be firm and take the reigns when it comes to treatment, but always let the child know that you love him or her and are doing what you need to do to ensure safety.  The path may not be an easy one, as it often involves the child having to change friends.  It is important that friendships are replaced with healthier ones, which may be accomplished through the support of a treatment program.  Good programs will build on self-esteem and independent thinking while allowing for group discussions and the teaching of preventive measures.  Many adolescents have huge growth experiences through these kinds of interventions. 

As parents you may first have to deal with their anger at having their behavior modified, but it is helpful to realize you are giving these children the gift of a healthy future and a worthwhile life in the process.

http://www.dosomething.org/actnow/tipsandtools/11-shocking-facts-about-t...