What Matters to Us: The Truth Behind Closed Doors

How many times have I heard people of various ages lament the fact that they are different from everyone else around here? Where did this perception come from that Lamorinda is a bubble, separated from the complex and often difficult realities of the rest of the Bay Area, and in fact the world?  In some ways it is very reassuring to believe that where we live, the bucolic setting, represents the reality of life. The danger, though, is assuming that everyone else is having a carefree life while your own is often a struggle. For kids it may mean that their difficulties in learning make them too different from their high achieving peers to be worth much.  For the ones that aren’t athletic it can represent inadequacy despite strengths in many other areas. Years ago I was told by a teen who was new to the area that here you have to be a Rhodes scholar as well as an Olympic athlete. This was perceived by her as the norm.

Adults have long expressed shame about financial problems which didn’t allow them to offer certain extra curricular programs to their children.  Kids felt embarrassed that they could not go abroad with peers on school trips that cost thousands of dollars.  And what about marital problems, drug or alcohol dependence, or kids with behavioral issues or mental illness? Here?

The truth is, we never know what goes on behind the closed doors of the well-maintained homes that line our streets.  When we recognize that every family has struggles we can be more compassionate toward them as well as more accepting of our own.  Life is complicated. There is no stage that does not bring with it challenges, suffering and also joy.  We are all in this together, no matter what our zip code may imply, and that, I think is a good thing.

As always, I am interested in your comments on this subject.