Infidelity is a challenging issue for couples to work through but not impossible. The relationship actually has the potential to be stronger than it ever was, though this may be hard to imagine if you're in the early stages of this painful situation. If you are struggling with this in your marriage and you both are on board for repair, here are a few important things to consider:
Cease the Affair: As obvious as this sounds, I've seen couples where there is still some involvement with the third party. To have the best possible chance of healing your relationship, there must be emotional bandwidth created to do so.
Allow transparency. The partner who was unfaithful should be ready to answer questions. It’s far better than withholding the information to “protect” the partner. Let them be the judge of what they can and can’t handle. That being said, be careful what you ask to know as knowing too much can also be problematic.
Be ready for an emotional roller coaster. Rage, grief, confusion and disbelief can all be part of the spectrum of emotions that come with learning of an affair. This is normal. Allow the feelings to come and validate them as much as possible.
I help couples work through infidelity in my Larkspur couples therapy practice.