If you're human like the rest of us, you've made mistakes and you will surely continue to make them. In relationships, this is also true but the key to being sure the gaffs don't cause lasting damage to your partner is to own your part, step up and boldly make a repair attempt.
It can be hard to do that because admitting fault can feel really vulnerable. But if you can get past the discomfort and stay focused on the goal of relieving your relationship of undue strain and resentment then it's worth it.
Here are 6 steps to make a relationship repair attempt:
- Be honest. Tell your loved one that you made a mistake. Admitting that not only takes strength but usually softens them up immediately and decreases the chance of defensiveness.
- Be apologetic. With good eye contact, sincerely tell this person that you are sorry that you did something to hurt their feelings.
- Validate. Explain that you could understand if they might feel ____ based on what was said or done.
- Expand. Take an opportunity to go deeper into what about particular situations make it hard for you communicate effectively...it's okay to say "I don't know how...but I want to learn."
- Show appreciation. Thank them for listening or attempting to understand you.
- Commit. If the hurtful thing you said/did tends to happen often, let your partner know you want to try to learn to do things differently.
Keep in mind that sometimes the above doesn't work out well - for a number reasons. If that's the case, consider seeking help from someone trained in identifying and shifting relationship dynamics, like a therapist.